ShyHijabi
Junior Member
...the Muslims.
Salaam,
Now that I've got your attention I wanted to post some thoughts that have been rumminating in my head lately. First some basic background on myself, I converted about 2.5 years ago to Islam and the price was my family and most of my friends. Many people will say "Well those aren't real friends then" but those same Muslims would distance themselves from apostates of Islam, so do not be too quick to judge.
Since converting I have had the unique point of view of looking from the inside out and seeing if people mean what they say. I have witnessed tribalism that would make the Hindus with their caste system shake heir head in amazement. I read 2-3 posts weekly here on TTI about people desiring to marry someone of another race/ethnicity but their parents are opposed and even threaten with disownment. They speaking mincingly of "language barriers" and "cultural differences" even when the person seeking marriage is willing to adapt and flex to their norms. The truth of the matter is they feel their culture/tradition is superior to Islam but would never outright say it. Actions my friends....that is how we measure true intention.
I have spent most of my Ramadaans alone and breaking fast by myself as most Muslims suddenly become occupied with the festivities within their own family....forgetting the Muslim that has no one. I was just mocked last week in the grocery store by a "born-Muslim" female when she asked where I was from. I responded "from here" to which she rolled her eyes and in a thick accent said so was she. (obviously she was Arab...later she informed me she was from Syria....but she simply couldn't beliive a Hijabi would be from America and in the South) She then said, "Oh you must've married an Arab and converted for him." To which I informed her I am not married nor ever have been married to a Muslim. She pretty much accused me of lying. I would like to point out she wasn't wearing hijab but had no problem tearing apart an obvious convert in front of a bunch of non-Muslims.
At my place of employment I face constant ridicule from customers and also insults. But for now it is the only way to feed myself and keep a roof over my head so I endure. There is no mosque close by that I can attend (the closest one is almost an hour drive and my vehicle is on it's last leg presently) so I can't even find some kind Muslims to fellowship with.
Meanwhile I read and hear from other Muslims (online mostly since there aren't many Muslims locally) about everything we converts "do wrong." Many times instead of receiving encouragement we are criticised and corrected quite harshly. It can really make a person doubt that they amde the right decision to become Muslim if only to be constantly berated and torn down.
Lastly there is the marriage prospect. The brother that showed interest in me spent a long battle with his parents and last Fall finally got permission. But a few weeks later his father said, "You guys can do whatever you want but I won't be part of it." So while we have "permission" we do not have "approval." Basically his father has an issue with my skin color and that I am a convert. Apparently these two details make me unacceptable. I've given the brother a time limit to square things with his father then I am cutting ties as I can no longer stand still and need to find a husband and insh'Allah, one day have children.
I am weary my brothers and sisters. So very weary of this long and lonely road. I know Allah swt only test those he loves but sometimes I wish he didn't trust me so much to be strong enough. So please consider your convert brothers and sisters and extend a hand of compassion and patience. if possible, have your parents read this post so they can understand how the elders are effecting new converts to this religion. Maybe they will finally look past their tribalism and truly....truly welcome their new brothers and sisters into their homes, family, and ummah.
Wasalaam
Salaam,
Now that I've got your attention I wanted to post some thoughts that have been rumminating in my head lately. First some basic background on myself, I converted about 2.5 years ago to Islam and the price was my family and most of my friends. Many people will say "Well those aren't real friends then" but those same Muslims would distance themselves from apostates of Islam, so do not be too quick to judge.
Since converting I have had the unique point of view of looking from the inside out and seeing if people mean what they say. I have witnessed tribalism that would make the Hindus with their caste system shake heir head in amazement. I read 2-3 posts weekly here on TTI about people desiring to marry someone of another race/ethnicity but their parents are opposed and even threaten with disownment. They speaking mincingly of "language barriers" and "cultural differences" even when the person seeking marriage is willing to adapt and flex to their norms. The truth of the matter is they feel their culture/tradition is superior to Islam but would never outright say it. Actions my friends....that is how we measure true intention.
I have spent most of my Ramadaans alone and breaking fast by myself as most Muslims suddenly become occupied with the festivities within their own family....forgetting the Muslim that has no one. I was just mocked last week in the grocery store by a "born-Muslim" female when she asked where I was from. I responded "from here" to which she rolled her eyes and in a thick accent said so was she. (obviously she was Arab...later she informed me she was from Syria....but she simply couldn't beliive a Hijabi would be from America and in the South) She then said, "Oh you must've married an Arab and converted for him." To which I informed her I am not married nor ever have been married to a Muslim. She pretty much accused me of lying. I would like to point out she wasn't wearing hijab but had no problem tearing apart an obvious convert in front of a bunch of non-Muslims.
At my place of employment I face constant ridicule from customers and also insults. But for now it is the only way to feed myself and keep a roof over my head so I endure. There is no mosque close by that I can attend (the closest one is almost an hour drive and my vehicle is on it's last leg presently) so I can't even find some kind Muslims to fellowship with.
Meanwhile I read and hear from other Muslims (online mostly since there aren't many Muslims locally) about everything we converts "do wrong." Many times instead of receiving encouragement we are criticised and corrected quite harshly. It can really make a person doubt that they amde the right decision to become Muslim if only to be constantly berated and torn down.
Lastly there is the marriage prospect. The brother that showed interest in me spent a long battle with his parents and last Fall finally got permission. But a few weeks later his father said, "You guys can do whatever you want but I won't be part of it." So while we have "permission" we do not have "approval." Basically his father has an issue with my skin color and that I am a convert. Apparently these two details make me unacceptable. I've given the brother a time limit to square things with his father then I am cutting ties as I can no longer stand still and need to find a husband and insh'Allah, one day have children.
I am weary my brothers and sisters. So very weary of this long and lonely road. I know Allah swt only test those he loves but sometimes I wish he didn't trust me so much to be strong enough. So please consider your convert brothers and sisters and extend a hand of compassion and patience. if possible, have your parents read this post so they can understand how the elders are effecting new converts to this religion. Maybe they will finally look past their tribalism and truly....truly welcome their new brothers and sisters into their homes, family, and ummah.
Wasalaam