wa 'alaykum salaam wa rahmatullaah
Akhi, the problem is, your situation is complicated and personal, and although I believe everyone here can offer that advice and opinion, none of us are qualified to say if your situation is that of need, or whether or not this may be acceptable. This is more than just black and white and needs someone of knowledge to hear your whole situation out. So sadly, although this may feel of absolutely no benefit... I would recommend you find someone you trust and rely on for his grounding of knowledge and ask them, or look for other outlets which may have a more knowledgeable grounding.
Your intentions, dedication and love are admirable really, and may Allaah keep that strong within you and increase it; please don't let the peer pressure get to you, because then whatever decision you will make in future will be for the people, and not out of your need. And when this happens, sometimes it's hard going back, because you get comfortable with that. And this is for more than just your beard.
Living in the US amongst a certain mentality type of Muslims can be very very difficult and testing, especially probably for you being a revert, but whatever actions you do, remember to lead it back to Allaah and not simply to what the people are doing or is easy for them. And I'm sure you realize that - really it's a reminder for myself as well, for all the days I end up going out in niqaab whereas the whole rest of the community basically rejects it and goes around in jeans, I do wonder if it would be easier. And this is from Shaytaan surely, but it's also a human trait to want to fit in and do what from our LIMITED outlook seems easier.
But honestly, you can't be sure of anything.
As a sidebar - I don't want this thread to go off on a tangent other than its original subject - I came so close to leaving Islam this year; I had to hang on to the deen by my molars and my fingernails. I felt that I had been gyped.
May Allaah bless you and keep you firm on your Imaan! That is the test ya akhi, do they say they believe and think they won't be tested? These are the moments where your Imaan is put on trial, and being able to overcome that is the greatest of things. Think during these times dear brother, of those who have proceeded you and gone through far worse. Think of Ayyub 'alayhis salaam who lost every.single.thing, from his children to his wealth to his health, and take hope from them. Take hope from the Sahaabah, who were tortured and shunned from their homes and societies and boycotted, those who died in that state of poverty, but died upon Islaam.
I know you don't want hadeeth quotes brother, but these always give me hope, so take some hope from them if possible?
It is reported that Wuhayb b. Al-Ward – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
Verily, when Allâh the Exalted wants to honor a servant of His (for his righteousness), He afflicts him with a reduced means of living, illness in his body and a fearful life (all of which expiate his sins). Until death comes upon him, and he still has some sins, death is made hard upon him because of them, causing him to meet Allâh with no sins against him.
And when a person is of little value to Allâh (because of his disobedience), He makes his body healthy, broadens his means of living and makes him feel safe (the rewards for any good deeds he did are exhausted). Until death comes upon him, and he still has some good deeds, the experience of death is lightened for him because of them, and he meets Allâh with nothing.
Abu Bakr Al-Daynûrî, Al-Mujâlasah wa Jawâhir Al-’Ilm article 2865.
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It is reported that Hafsah – Allâh be pleased with her – once said to her father (‘Umar, during his Caliphate):
Allâh has increased the provisions; if only you would eat better food than the food you eat now and wear softer clothes then those you wear now?! He said, “I will argue [against] you with your own self: Was not the condition of Allâh’s Messenger – praise and peace be upon him – such-and-such [when you were his wife]!?” He kept reminding her until she cried. He continued,
“I have told you, by Allâh, I will share in their hard living (in this world, referring to The Prophet and Abû Bakr) so that I may partake in their good life (in Paradise).”
Hunâd b. Al-Sarî, Al-Zuhd article 687; Imâm Ahmad, Al-Zuhd article 201, et al. (1)
(1) Shaykh Abd Al-Rahmân Al-Farîwâ`î explains in his edition of Hunâd’s Al-Zuhd that this narration is sahîh if it is confirmed that Mus‘ab b. Sa’d heard it from Hafsah; otherwise its chain of transmission is mursal sahîh (i.e. it is authentic except there is a missing link between Mus’ab and Hafsah)
Source:
http://www.sayingsofthesalaf.net/in...age/2/www.sayingsofthesalaf.net#ixzz1e4kf0HPr
The hadith said that the dua of a traveler is never rejected, but mine (even to date) has not been granted. I was told that if I give up something for ALLAH He would give me something of equal value or better. I did, and (so far) He hasn't.
Brother, your sight here is so tunnel visioned, don't you see? Du'aa has many outcomes, either it is accepted, or it removes a calamity from you, or even that it is saved for you for the Hereafter. Just because you don't see the outcomes in this life, does not mean that it has been wasted in the least. There is so much more to this as well and you know it, I know you do ... but perhaps the situation you have been facing has made you lose sight of it.
And Akhi, the promise of Allaah is true. Not a doubt about it. Take Jannah - put it on a scale, and tell me next to that, what is of equal value or better?
There is a long list of stuff that I have been struggling with since I became Muslim but I figured I will just stick it out! Even other brothers have given me this "Glad its not me!" look and say "Wow you're seriously being tested! ALLAH must love you!". I could live with that.
Keep the attitude and say Alhamdulillaah 'ala kulli haal at every turn, and as some others advised, stay within the remembrance of Allaah. You are strong brother, and it's only because you are that you are being tested, so believe in yourself in every situation, and like I said at first, look to someone of knowledge to guide you further in your situation.
May Allaah grant you patience, as well as all of us and give us the ability to persevere through our trials and overcome them with the best outcome.
Allaah knows best