Husband treats wife like a servant

[I.Iman]

What should a sister do with a husband who treats her like a servant, yells at her, complains very often; saying you didn't clean so good, food didn't taste that good, how come you didn't do so and so?? Do this, do that! And very often yells in front of children, and so they can hear how "bad" she is. Even joking with their children how they can help him find one more wife.

I would really appriciate hadiths etc concerning how this sister could face this. They both practise Islam, but her husband always mention he is an Arab, and she is married to an Arab and therefore Arabs treats their wifes like this. She loves him yet, but she is afraid how this would affect the children and that they may see Islam as a religion that opresses women, mothers etc and that men are allowed to treat wifes as they are nothing but servants. And worse, they would leave Islam.

Alhamdulillah for any answers.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

What is she...? Lets start there...are they facing money issues?

When a man behaves badly a woman divorces him. Women have this little finger...it is called a pointer finger and when you have had enough you point him to the door and you say no more: game over.

But divorce is the last step...what is she doing..does she clean..or does she complain...whats wrong with him wanting a second wife..it would make it easier on her.

You see people forget that is sunna.

Why is he so angry. Usually, there is a good reason for him being angry..what are the causes

 

[saifkhan]

as salam 'alaykum

no way we can say this is Islam.
our approach towards these things should be like:''He is not following Islam'', not like the media shows and we think: ''how can a Muslim or practicing Islamic family/husband do this".

however, neither there is any special compensation or priority of an Arab over a non Arab.

however, if you want go through all things, please watch this vdo
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insha Allah you can get benefited and can help that sister.

i pray that she can keep doing well, may Allah bless that family, mercy and blessing is missing form the family and the relationship between couple as well.

if you can contact her, tell her to make dua, try to keep the house rid of haram things and practice, like may be music, movies, unlawful things, practice the mentioning of Allah's name in every step whether it is cooking, cleaning or washing.

and if everything is fine, but even then the guy is doing that, he really needs ruqya then

wa-llahu a'lam
wassalam

 

[saifkhan]

What should a sister do with a husband who treats her like a servant, yells at her, complains very often; saying you didn't clean so good, food didn't taste that good, how come you didn't do so and so?? Do this, do that! And very often yells in front of children, and so they can hear how "bad" she is. Even joking with their children how they can help him find one more wife.

I would really appriciate hadiths etc concerning how this sister could face this. They both practise Islam, but her husband always mention he is an Arab, and she is married to an Arab and therefore Arabs treats their wifes like this. She loves him yet, but she is afraid how this would affect the children and that they may see Islam as a religion that opresses women, mothers etc and that men are allowed to treat wifes as they are nothing but servants. And worse, they would leave Islam.

Alhamdulillah for any answers.

as salam 'alaykum again

forgot to mention one thing.

the wives and woman should be aware of their rights, what Allah and His messenger salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam have given them, which no one can snatch away.

watch this lecture parts.

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wa]llahu a'lam
wassalam

 

[I.Iman]

Jazakallah Kheiran.

Wa aleikum asalaam wa ramatullah wa barakatho

The sister she tried to approach this matter to him, mentioned it since she had enough. It ended with him throwing things in the home, and at her, after he yelled at her she most clean the mess up.

This is a very sad story, the couple love eachother but he must work on how to treat his wife.
No, she is not complaining about any housework at all, but the fact he is never satisfied with what she do, and commands her things instead of talking to her as a wife.

She practise Islam, no pictures،no movies, no nothing, no Haram in the house.

There is a problem that he is not working as much at this moment. And she is contributing to fam. economy. But she does not complain about this either, she have told him this is ok until he can provide for them without any help from her. And she knows that this is "sensitive", therefore she handle this very carefully. But anyway, he is breaking their marriage.


Salam

 

[esperanza]

Jazakallah Kheiran.

Wa aleikum asalaam wa ramatullah wa barakatho

The sister she tried to approach this matter to him, mentioned it since she had enough. It ended with him throwing things in the home, and at her, after he yelled at her she most clean the mess up.

This is a very sad story, the couple love eachother but he must work on how to treat his wife.
No, she is not complaining about any housework at all, but the fact he is never satisfied with what she do, and commands her things instead of talking to her as a wife.

She practise Islam, no pictures،no movies, no nothing, no Haram in the house.

There is a problem that he is not working as much at this moment. And she is contributing to fam. economy. But she does not complain about this either, she have told him this is ok until he can provide for them without any help from her. And she knows that this is "sensitive", therefore she handle this very carefully. But anyway, he is breaking their marriage.


Salam

dear sister.. ireally fell for the person going through this,,,
if she is doing her best in role as mother and wife,,,then he has no rright to ritiise her,,, but sadly this happens

and in arab society sadly some men think weomen have a role and they have a right to judge how they carry out that role

but more importantly he is not working and fulfillling her role,,,yet criticises her,,,that is unfair

and to degrade her in front of children is unfair

she must try to discuss with him

 

[I.Iman]

Please send thoose link to videos cause somehow I cannot open them here.

Jazakallah kheiran

 

[I.Iman]

Acctually.. Now He said I divorce you to his wife. Pack my things and I'll be out of here. I feel so sad over this. What to do???

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Has the sister understood that when a man in unemployed it kills him. When a man is dependent on a woman for his survival he feels a pain.

Yes, he is going to be critical..he is hurt...and he is being immature..

Let him walk out the door and blow off some steam...

He will be back, InshaAllah...make salat sister...

It is gentleness that makes a man praise a woman. Show the husband that the bonds of marriage are stronger than the fear of money. If he complains of anything..a simple response is Yes, dear..InshaAllah..how would you want it...( men can be lazy and that will be the end of that).

 

[I.Iman]

Jazakallah kheir

This sister she knows very well about this working issue. She is not supporting him, but contributing. But I do know what you mean..
Yes, it is a very difficult matter and for a man who cannot fully take care of his family finacially, this is hard.

But still, his behavior goes way far from what is acceptable.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

When a woman supports a man..she has to be subtle..she has to be silent..money has a way of corrupting the soul...

and husbands feel it..just the thought that he is not man enough to support his family right now is killing him...


and I wonder about our sisters..why are we so weak...why are they taking the business of marriage and broadcasting it everywhere..that is what the kufr do.

Maybe we need a lesson in remembering that a wife guards her husbands home..and really understand what that means..

 

[Riham]

What should a sister do with a husband who treats her like a servant, yells at her, complains very often; saying you didn't clean so good, food didn't taste that good, how come you didn't do so and so?? Do this, do that! And very often yells in front of children, and so they can hear how "bad" she is. Even joking with their children how they can help him find one more wife.

I would really appriciate hadiths etc concerning how this sister could face this. They both practise Islam, but her husband always mention he is an Arab, and she is married to an Arab and therefore Arabs treats their wifes like this. She loves him yet, but she is afraid how this would affect the children and that they may see Islam as a religion that opresses women, mothers etc and that men are allowed to treat wifes as they are nothing but servants. And worse, they would leave Islam.

Alhamdulillah for any answers.

:salam2:

The smell of prejudice... and the smell of pride. If it's emanating from a Muslim home, then it isn't Islam.

Feeling pride because of one's race and because of one's culture does not feature in the teaching of the Prophet (saws).

All men are equal and an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab.

But who will explain this to the husband? And what will make him listen to reason and change his ways?

Upbringing has got a lot to do with it. If the husband has come from a family that takes pride in being Arab, then there is difficulty in getting him to come away from such thinking.

So what should a sister do when the husband is treating her like a servant.... and who believes that he is entitled to treat her that way because he is Arab?

It depends on the sister, I think.

She has two choices:

1. Hope that he will change and continue enduring the insults.

2. Fight against the injustice that is being done unto her.

If she takes the first option, she will require tremendous patience and forebearance.

I don't know about this option.... because it might deal a severe blow to her self-respect and dignity and cause her to fall into great depression which isn't good for her health.

If she takes the second option, she will free herself from misery and find hope in a better future... for herself and her children.

I like this option better because it would empower the woman to take matters in her hands and defend herself. Not a helpless puppet who is trod all over because this is the way Arabs treat their wives!

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister, sister,

We are to encourage couples to remain married. It is so easy for sisters to encourage women to divorce who have never been married nor divorced.
We can not have gut reactions and point the way out of a marriage.

The issues behind this marriage are financial. I have been married twice; to men of different ethnicities and trust me I would stand astounded when those moments of ethic superiority would come out. Each man has his sense of tribe, Men are not from Mars, they are from their tribes..and heaven forbid a woman forgets that. I don't understand it but I am a woman.

I am not advocating abuse and the Prophet set the example not to be verbally or emotionally abusive let alone physically.

Ok so the husband is not working and frustrated. Many men get frustrated. So the wife has to take that negative energy and transform that into something positive. Stand by your man.

Sister, that woman is lucky to have a husband in a time when there is economic crisis all around us. Try holding on to a few dollars until the next check is due by yourself.

What we are not getting is how does she treat him. Besides, a servant is one who serves. A wife serves her husband. You know the would you like me to rub your temples, darling? line. Stand by your man, sister.

When someone is down..that is when they need the most compassion. We are talking about human beings not statistics and pseudo-sociology.

Lastly, when he mentions seeking another wife..that is his right as a Muslim.

We are not kufr and we have to be patient.

 

[Riham]

:salam2:

The sister wanted advice.

I gave her some suggestions and gave my opinions regarding each.

I am against injustice and oppression and so wrote against that sort of behavior.

And I put myself in the sister's shoes and asked myself what I would do if I were in that situation. I think I would find it hard to love a man who treats me in that way. If I had ever loved him, that love would soon fade away.

Of course, not all women think the way I do.

It all really depends on the sister and what she is willing to go through to make her marriage work. And whether she has the strength to put up with all the abuse.... for the rest of her life perhaps?

 

[esperanza]

Acctually.. Now He said I divorce you to his wife. Pack my things and I'll be out of here. I feel so sad over this. What to do???

yhis is reLLY difficult case,,,and i know there RE some men who wil say they want a divorce in anger,,,the wife and huisband need to talk with someone a trusted family member or an imam,becasue divirce is not something to be taken lightly especially where children are inviolved,

as to the husband talking about another wife,...im sorry but if he does not treat one well.and cannot provide for one ,how can he think about another

i wonder are they living in an arab or western country

its very hard but inshalla they can find the best solution for all

 

[finding light]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister, sister,

We are to encourage couples to remain married. It is so easy for sisters to encourage women to divorce who have never been married nor divorced.
We can not have gut reactions and point the way out of a marriage.

The issues behind this marriage are financial. I have been married twice; to men of different ethnicities and trust me I would stand astounded when those moments of ethic superiority would come out. Each man has his sense of tribe, Men are not from Mars, they are from their tribes..and heaven forbid a woman forgets that. I don't understand it but I am a woman.

I am not advocating abuse and the Prophet set the example not to be verbally or emotionally abusive let alone physically.

Ok so the husband is not working and frustrated. Many men get frustrated. So the wife has to take that negative energy and transform that into something positive. Stand by your man.

Sister, that woman is lucky to have a husband in a time when there is economic crisis all around us. Try holding on to a few dollars until the next check is due by yourself.

What we are not getting is how does she treat him. Besides, a servant is one who serves. A wife serves her husband. You know the would you like me to rub your temples, darling? line. Stand by your man, sister.

When someone is down..that is when they need the most compassion. We are talking about human beings not statistics and pseudo-sociology.

Lastly, when he mentions seeking another wife..that is his right as a Muslim.

We are not kufr and we have to be patient.

How very true.... great words of encouragement....

 

[Um Ibrahim]

Asalaamu Alaykum

Some people will say you should stick by your husbands' side and be patient no matter what, well it's easier said than done. It's not easy to take insults and yelling no matter how much someone is frustrated. As much as it's discouraged, there's a reason why Allah has allowed divorce. Some men unfortunately just don't see and cannot see the blessings Allah has given him in his family and wife until he looses it. And yes it's a man's right to seek another wife, but he cannot hurt his wife in the process by making disgusting and rude comments. No woman wants to hear her husband say because she's not cleaning properly or because he doesn't like her cooking, he will look for another wife right in front of her. That's abusing the rights Allah has given him and that's intentionally hurting his wife's feelings.

Sister, pray salaat istakhaara and do whatever you think is best for you after you seek guidance from Allah. You shouldn't put up with abusive behavior of any kind. Marriage is supposed to be filled with happiness, love, encouragement and support not abuse and name-calling. May Allah guide you and your husband to build a strong Muslim family and to love and respect each other. May Allah kick the shaytan out of your lives, indeed shaytan loves to separate husband wife.

 

[I.Iman]

Assalaam Aleikum
and Jazakalah kheir.

I asked the question here because it is a problem that, if she get's bad advice it might hurt more than heal.
I have collected many advices from you all. I think this sister she follows Islam, and he do to - eccept for this matter. So I belive the solution is to help them with an Islamic perspective.

Thank you all for taking time and answering, many good advices. Alhamdulillah. May Allah swt bless you for wanting to help others!


I must say though, we should avoid divorce but tipping on the toes for a man and tolerate to be mistreated does not stands for Islam. Man and women are equal in front of Allah and neither one of them is better than the other. They have different roles, yes, but they are equal in importance. And so many people misunderstand the aiiya that man are the protectors of the wife. This means they have the responsibility TO women. And this based on the fact men ARE the suppliers to their family. And yet, women have Sabr, thats why she takes care of children etc..

"A mother is a person who does the work of 20 for free".

But this problem is not just aggining, it is beyond what is correct and there are children involved. And we all know children don't do as parents say, they do as the do! So how will they treat their mother? What picture will they bring with them on how to treat women??

Also, yes a man is aloud to take another wife. But this is not something he should use against his wife. Acctually, Allah swt says in the Quran a man is allowed to take another wife but since he cannot be fair with women he
shouldn't. So this is a warning for thoose men who are able in every way to take another wife ( there must be many criteria filled) "watch out, you are gonna get yourself in trouble, gonna uppset!" And there is gonna be some fithna.. So "taking" another wife is a result of consideration, god economy and a very good reason for it! Not just I'm gonna take another wife. And not something a man should use to keep his wife quiet. And we can go to Propeth Muhammed saws, and we know he treated his wifes equally. In time, money, everything. But no man is like Muhammed saws And let's also remember he stayed with only Khadidja for 20 years! After her death the Profeth saws married several woman for many reasons, one of them was to tightened bond between people. So we must follow Sunnah but remember the propeth saws never said the man should take another wife. But for thoose who fall in sertain categories yes, marry 2,3 or 4. Otherwise only 1. And thoose categories can be discussed. But certainly not so that a man would have some more fun, because we all know that fun won't last very long with all responsibility. So there is a visdom behind every aiiya in the Quran.

And 3: A man is aloud to "hit" his wife - with something like a tootbrush! (very funny yes) but this is not the meaning the man is are aloud to hit his wife, no, once again - see the visdom from Allah swt!

Islam did not came to opress women. Islam set women free - we must never forget this, otherwise some men will be aloud to misstreat their wifes.

This sisters man is an Arab and from what I have picked up is that Arabs have a certain "behavior" or personalities, wich are different from others.
So, if anyone knows, please tell me what this behavior is. Maybe she can approach this problem different..

Assalam Aleikum wa ramatullah wa barakatho

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Islam makes clear cases for divorce. Who here is advocating that a woman tolerate abuse.

Words spoken in anger hurt; but we do not know what the provocation was.

Divorce is the last sentence in a long process. Prayer and family; and arbitrators are needed to help reconcile the situation. Divorce is a drastic step; to the point that it is revealed they couple can remarry. The reality of divorce is worse than being a widow. One day you have the whole world and the next day it is in half.

As for the second wife..it is Sunna; and it will keep him silent...think about it sisters. Let us not place our interpretation on what is Sunna.

Sister, please educate me and tell me what is the attitude with Arabs. Educate me; so the issues you have just described stem from inter-cultural and interracial issues that are larger than the place of Islam in the household. Is the sister a revert?

I pray that you are married and have been divorced..I say this because it is very easy for a sister to talk to another about leaving her man and not having faced any of the realities of both states.

 

[a_stranger]

:salam2:

I like to add something , why not advice her change her conduct with him, i mean let her show some strength . Some people when you treat them in the nicest way , and forgive all their mistakes ....( be very easy with them as a muslem should be) they think you are weak and try to take advantage of you. This happen frequently between people . So i think that those people like this sister should try to change their personality ....and show that it is not OK to yell at them or insult them. In the same time we should always renew faith and make our intentions sincere in all that we do , we work for Allah not for husband or children. Then let her search in herself may be she saying something wrong which make her husband angry ,........may be she is hurting him without Intention. Divorce should be the final solution let her be patient and try to keep her husband and children together no one can take care of children like their own father.