Need your dua and some tips

[Raed]

Al slam alikum brothers and sisters...

Regarding my thread (how should I act?) http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9223

Ok the sister accepted me and i told my family and she told her family..

Now the problem that put me into insomia:

Her mother searched about me and found me to be good guy high educated good salary and from good family and good position, however, she also thinks thats im from unknown family (not famous in UAE or rich)... and the mother dosent wana feel ashame infron of her (well known famous family) so she wanted me to do the wedding party in five stars one of the most expensive hotel and the (mahr) is already high.. well im from middle class and im only two years employee and self dependent ( i dont take money from my family)

The total price to get married from the sister i want is about 70,000 US $ thats the minumum and i dont have this amount , but i can take loan and stuff... on the other hand my family knew and they said if its not less than 20,000 US $ we wont accept and we wont let you spend that much, and we wont agree...

Now im stuck , the sister i wanted to marry she dosent agree with her mother, but she cant help it because its her mother desicion at the end...

What shall i do....? should i obey my family and leave the girl (I already in love with her) ... or pay the amount that her family wants for the sake to get married?

By the way , i already posted before that UAE girls are so materialistic, but the sister is not, she is really good person, but her family are.

I need your dua brothers and sisters to make things easy on me..
I really cant stop thinking abt this issue... I see the sister everyday in the office, I dont wana lose her... may allah helps me may allah helps me

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam,

70K???? Honestly, this is preposterious!

Rasool (pbuh) gave dates to one of his wives as a maher and if that is good enough for the Prophet where do these folks get off? I thought the intended wife decided her maher? I am at a loss as to what to tell you because this isn't so much as a Islamic problem as a cultural issue. I need to find the links but there was a question posed about this on another forum and evidently there is Hadith discouraging big, expensive weddings. Let me go look for it.

~Sarah

 

[loveislam1]

Asalam Alikoum

Subhanallah brother you will be in my dua' what a hard place and a rock you are stuck in between. Pray istikhara first and foremost, also continue to talk with your parents and with the sister, surely there can be a compromise. What a sad situation it should be the girls choice to chose her mahr and she can even forgo it or postpone it till a later date if she so chooses. La howell la qawatta illah billah may ALLAH subhana wa t'ala give you what is good for you ameen.

 

[hussain.mahammed]

As salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wabrakatuhu brother
I will talk to you personally as I have been busy of late. I could not find you online too. Insha Allah, Allah will guide you. And ofcourse you are in my duas always. But that sounds really silly on part of her mother.
May Allah guide her, and give her hidayah and hikmah.
wa/salam

 

[justoneofmillion]

we need some fatwas here

Al slam alikum brothers and sisters...

Regarding my thread (how should I act?) http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9223

Ok the sister accepted me and i told my family and she told her family..

Now the problem that put me into insomia:
Her mother searched about me and found me to be good guy high educated good salary and from good family and good position, however, she also thinks thats im from unknown family (not famous in UAE or rich)... and the mother dosent wana feel ashame infron of her (well known famous family) so she wanted me to do the wedding party in five stars one of the most expensive hotel and the (mahr) is already high.. well im from middle class and im only two years employee and self dependent ( i dont take money from my family)

The total price to get married from the sister i want is about 70,000 US $ thats the minumum and i dont have this amount , but i can take loan and stuff... on the other hand my family knew and they said if its not less than 20,000 US $ we wont accept and we wont let you spend that much, and we wont agree...

Now im stuck , the sister i wanted to marry she dosent agree with her mother, but she cant help it because its her mother desicion at the end...

What shall i do....? should i obey my family and leave the girl (I already in love with her) ... or pay the amount that her family wants for the sake to get married?

By the way , i already posted before that UAE girls are so materialistic, but the sister is not, she is really good person, but her family are.

I need your dua brothers and sisters to make things easy on me..
I really cant stop thinking abt this issue... I see the sister everyday in the office, I dont wana lose her... may allah helps me may allah helps me

assalamu aleikum,it is so sad to hear brother may allah swt give you courrage and patience hang in there it is worth it! i promise to make a duaa for you and for revery muslim in this planet who wishes to complete his deen it just can`t be possible that these things happend even if the sister accepts! i think that is where we really need some big fatwas to keep this ummah healthy and not in some stupid details on if using alcohol for hand washing or cosmetics rubbish is allowed or not. it is crazy how this world have turned, halal has become expensive and haram so sheep here in the west you can get them for free and in some cases they are the ones who would pay! i know it is a must to pay the maher and that is fair and okay but how is the relation between the maher amount and the their daughter being happy and completing her deen by getting married like in this case giving the fact that she agreed?anyways i couldn`t end this post without puting a smile on your face bro here is a little video from the ummah crew i wish it lifts your spirit a bitinschallah.http://www.youtubeislam.com/view_video.php?viewkey=76a6704b08093c652fd7

wassalam

sindbad

 

[muslim-girl]

Asc

Asc brother .
ohh i feel sorry for u , first of all i will ask Allah to make it easier for u and her insha allah . U are definitely in my duaa insha allah . But i think u should tell the girl that its not good to spend to many money just for a wedding , atlest spend money on something where u can get Ajar from . U know its only cultur its nothing to do with islam actually. Imagaiz if u spend so many money on the wedding and think about how many poor people the did'nt even got money. So talk with her and maybe her family to. and may Allah make it easier for u and her , INSHA ALLAH BROTHER .

No problem . just ask Allah for help . Allah is the only one who can help us . Alhamdulilah . :tti_sister:

Asc wr wb <33

 

[junaid hasan]

i wanna say that the barakah is only in sunnah.

if you dont waste your money in this issue will be better for you.

and search a girl from a family who dont think about this kind of thinks .

search a girl from a family who follows sunnah and have whole sunnah in their lives.

your life will be happy if you start your marriege ceremony with sunnah, and if you start your marriege life with waste of big amount money then allah knows the result best.

and they want may be to sell their daughter dont to give marry.
and their daughter price is only 70000 $ or 20000 $?

mahr is the right of a girl not the price of a girl.

and my request is give spend 20000$ but not to marry this girl,, spend this money to other poor girls whos father dont have money to arrange a marriege.

look for a girl whos family are ready to give their daughter only by the way of sunnah.

and their daughter price is only 70000 $ or 20000 $?

mahr is the right of a girl not the price of a girl.

 

[True]

whats happening with our ummah?!

:salam2:

my brother I will insha´allah make dua for you and ask allah to give you the right choice!

if you end up spending all this money for a wedding then maybe allah swt. will take the barakah from your marrige and end up with a stressed life.
I heard about this couple got married in this country I live in they spent 80.000$ on the wedding and they got divorced a week later!!!!!! wallahi..

don´t make Allah angry and please mankind just please allah and every think will solve insha´allah and remember to make dua after every salah and in the middle of the night!

may allah be with you brother

 

[MubarekMuslimah]

The mother would feel ashamed unless it was in a top hotel right? The mother, this is gonna sound harsh, should think who matters to her more - the other families and community or Allah swt and her daughter's happiness?

She should also familiarise herself with the ayat that if a man comes to ask for a daughters hand in marriage and is a good muslim then he should not be turned away. In addition she should consider spending in the way of Allah swt and not for the sake of others and that extravagence and 'showing off' is not good. She should take this opportunity to show the other families that these things dont matter and only Allah swt mattters.

Anyways dont get angry with her - stay calm, paitent, take some time to explain the situation with her about being self sufficient and only working 2 years.

BTW I am so happy that she accepted your proposal!!! Mubarek!!! I love a good love story - Allah swt alwasy has ways of bringing the right people together. Just be paitent - she will be your wife insha'allah

salaams

 

[Amirah84]

This is madness!

:salam2:

mashaAllah brother I was so happy to read that it has gone well for you and that the sister has accepted your proposal.. MashaAllah such wonderful news!!!
Then I was utterly shocked to read that $70,000+ is what it takes to marry this sister. I understand that the sister is not agreeing to this, but this is really mad. How can they expect you to pay up $70,000? What is this amount needed for... $70,000?
I agree with the brothers and sisters who have mentioned that you should start you wedding upon the sunnah. It will be difficult for you to start your marriage with a huge debt which will take you years to pay off and which will be a cause of worry for you. Also will the marriage party be mixed, music, dancing etc. You have to think about these things and whether you're willing to give in to this pressure and if there is haraam involved then you should put your foot down. I think you really need to think this through, you're in my duuas.

 

[justoneofmillion]

assalamu aleikum, bros and sisters what is going on here are yall sleeping can`t anybody bring some fatwa in here regarding this subject to handle the price down or do we have to organise a world wide manifestation for that?do brothers who are still studying have to marry western girls and convert them in series because i got one that is crying on the phone she would even become a koalabear if i told her! no seriously am not talking about myself but this is vital for the ummah! it should be enough for a brother to be able to provide a shelter and all the basic stuff that are needed feed her dress her even buy her teddy bears if she wants i mean anything, travel with her but man instead of spending 70.000$! for a marriage this money should be headed to the poor and needy or to travel to hajj build a masjid..etc that is the way of allah swt i mean are there any studies from prominent scholars that regulate the amount i must admit that am quite a bit ignorant in the matter!


wassalam

SINDBAD

 

[shaheeda35]

Ya Allah!

:salam2:
Did I hear this correctly? 70k!!:astag: Subhanallah!! Islam is not a cultural thing!! The nikah should be as simple as possible, not extravagant(hope I spelled that right!)! I remember one hadith of the Prophet:saw2: where a sister got married if the brother knew one ayay of Quran and that was her dowry, subhanallah!! what are we doing, its crazy! That money could be used for people who really need it not for a wedding. ya Allah! Is Quran and Sunnah out the window, what are we doing? If you find a suitable match, you get married, what is the difficulty? Why is it all about dunya, May Allah help us, Ameen!Hang in there brother, you will be in my duaas!:tti_sister:

 

[alkathiri]

:salam2:

70k is crazy but Alhamdulilah she likes u...

 

[Raed]

:salam2:

Brother and sisters what i can do?
should i leave her ? I really wants her ... Im really tierd....
I even started to ask myself , why to do halal things are more difficult these days?
our relegion suppose to be easy....
I really cant sleep.... I making dua in every salat ...
I cant work well , i cant study well...
im thinking about this issue the whole time...
you know thier family liked me alot , they saw me perfect man for thier daughter, but still they wont agree untill i pay and make huge wedding party,
you know they are asking for full diamond set of jewellery and one of the best hotel in dubai , and so many things that are only very rich people can buy.... they said they dont want to feel ashame infront of thier (well known family) , ... im feeling sorry for the girl her self, her family refused alot of men just because of the same reason and she is getting older and older now, they are waiting for rich guy to come (by the way they are not rich)...
I just cant stand how people are so materialistic here in Dubai....

May allah help.... need your duas :'(

 

[alkathiri]

:salam2:

Brother and sisters what i can do?
should i leave her ? I really wants her ... Im really tierd....
I even started to ask myself , why to do halal things are more difficult these days?
our relegion suppose to be easy....
I really cant sleep.... I making dua in every salat ...
I cant work well , i cant study well...
im thinking about this issue the whole time...
you know thier family liked me alot , they saw me perfect man for thier daughter, but still they wont agree untill i pay and make huge wedding party,
you know they are asking for full diamond set of jewellery and one of the best hotel in dubai , and so many things that are only very rich people can buy.... they said they dont want to feel ashame infront of thier (well known family) , ... im feeling sorry for the girl her self, her family refused alot of men just because of the same reason and she is getting older and older now, they are waiting for rich guy to come (by the way they are not rich)...
I just cant stand how people are so materialistic here in Dubai....

May allah help.... need your duas :'(

Well akhi , i actually already want to sleep but i cannot bear to see u in sadness.

My advice give her an ultimatum either she reduce the wedding price or leave her...

it kind of worries me a bit that u cannot bear to leave her...Remember u have Allah ...This is a test for u . u have to make the sacrifice...u know u cannot hold on to the duniya things too much..plz akhi


Akhi from the bottom of my heart....dont hold on to duniya things...u see it makes u difficult to sleep, god know how khusoo' ur prayers because of this.

Go n call the girl to tell her mother u cannot afford it....n see what happens afterwards...If there is no way the mum can give in to u. Its time to search for another one...

 

[ShaheedU]

Assalamualaikum,

$70,000!!!

Raed, Id marry you for $20,000!!!

Have you ever thought about praying salat-ul-istikhara?

 

[alkathiri]

Assalamualaikum,

$70,000!!!

Raed, Id marry you for $20,000!!!

Have you ever thought about praying salat-ul-istikhara?

Bro it is in US dollars...
it saddens me what the mother is doing to her daughter...I dont know how high her social status....Serious...

Arab social status is very scary....Some say theirs are very high to the sky.....im not joking...

 

[ShaheedU]

Bro it is in US dollars...

Of course! you're right, i didnt think about the exchange rate!

$40,000 then Raed...

 

[Raed]

I prayed istikhara so many times....
the problem she is working in the same office i see her everyday .... i wont forget her if i cancel the mirrage .... otherwise i have to leave my job ,
you know that pain :'(
thanks to everyone who is supporting me.. i wish so many ppl here in my country thinks like you ...

 

[alkathiri]

I prayed istikhara so many times....
the problem she is working in the same office i see her everyday .... i wont forget her if i cancel the mirrage .... otherwise i have to leave my job ,
you know that pain :'(
thanks to everyone who is supporting me.. i wish so many ppl here in my country thinks like you ...

:salam2:

Bro u tell me how painful can it be !!!!

u look at the palistenian , the iraqis....when the sons , daughters died , their mother will cry, cry n cry n cry n cry.....their heart bleeds....

ur sacrifice is INCOMPARABLE to them , no where near them . 0.0000000001%


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