question for single women and marrired ones

SalmanFarsi

New Member
rush to it

I always hear the older generation say "don't rush to marriage" and that has always bothered me. why not?

I think as long as you are convinced that the other person is a good muslim and capable of supporting himself and a wife [and is not psychologically crazy], Then there is nothing to worry about. You have a guarantee that if you ever have a problem, all you both have to do is take it to Quran and Sunnah and it'll be fixed.

I have heard a sister who rejected a good brother because she likes to ski and he doesn't. That is when i realized how you can destroy your life by *not rushing* and making sure the other person matches exactly the 1000 things you like to do. And that is when I realized the wisdom behind the hadeeth that was mentioned in starting this thread.

you simply can not get married for reasons that are not life-long. Religion is. Beauty/Wealth is not.

walhamdulilahi rabbeel alameen.

Salman
 

dianne

Senior Member
In my country fortune is considered first choise to get married.In order to get married u at least have a good job,a car a house perhaps."mahar" is according to state fatwa.But the present u have to give will be considered most.10,000,20,000,50000,100000.The more u give the more u get.Marriage depends on how can u afford it.Not depends how u can handle the marriage itself.As long as u have the money and fortune u can always get married.I doesn't matter how pious u r.But how much money u can make 2 support the family.That why in my country the divorce rate is MashaALLAH! scary.The rate is above the marriage rate.Can u imagine that?

Remember the guideline that Rasulullah S.A.W give in seeking for the right person,

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status. her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious, may your hand be besmeared with dust. [Sahih-Muslim]

I agree with bro mabsoot
"Allah is the most wise, the most high. He has things planned out for us better than we could ever imagine. Just chill, dont stress. All we got to do is have patience and rely on him. This life is a big test for us all. We got to utilise the miracle that Allah gave to mankind, the Quran."

May Allah guide us,forgive us,help us and love us ALL!

Salam brother faiz,
When u said-" in my country fortune is considered first choice to get married!"Im not agree at all,some of them say yes to materialistic,some of them is not.
Marriage is based on love exist for a couple.doesnt care how much u give the mahar to your wife as long as husband sincere to marry,every state have their own mahar which is afford for a husband to give.it depends on the present for both.some of the cultures really a big matter of this issue-what is the branded gift for wife? gucci or fendi? where is the ceremony dinner? hotel or restaurant? how much is the money present for a bride? 10grand? 20grand?
I ever think of that before but when i looked at it! Its more to wasted - syaitan attitudes! some of tradition still aware of this kinda cultures.
Alhamdulillah im out of this! my marriage is just perfect for myself.spending $$$ also not more than 5k.family are there for us that is most important.
Resposible is a key most of a marriage- how to guide wife to be a good wife,how to guide a husband to be a good husband,good father to the kids,follows al quran & sunnah.
Aqad Nikah in Islam only need - groom,brides,wali,2witness,mahar & ijab kabul.thats it.For the ceremony it depends on how afford the groom is.Ikhlas or sincere is most important.
How many thousand grand u spent for a marriage is not wajib in Islam,why must do that if ur marriage isnt perfect? spending lots of a marriage but u just stand not even a year.ending at the syariah courts! Thats a shame!

Wassalam
 

almouchie

Junior Member
salam
after some unpleasant experiences with close people I know
I would prefer for those close to me, me as well,
to find that whose
deen & iman are strong, becuase it usually makes all the difference in many cases, & solving many problems
several others things are important, you need to at least like that other person , have several things in common, both families click & so on.
But religion & faith are huge decider & usually the main criteria to go forward or not. its my opinion & a recommendation as well, you are more likely to have a successful life if chose your partner that way.
 

diya Al deen

New Member
Business or "Deen"

السلام عليكم


the Hikma (wisdom) behind this Hadith is to spread marriage between people, why people married . . ? becoz they want to save themselves from Haram, a week person could possibly turn to haram when get refused . . . marriage is protection it is not live insurance deal as some people thinks and it is not a chance to make money or business as most of the women thinks, it part of your "Deen" (religion) and you have to seek completing your "Deen" - a very rich guy could possibly be poor in no time and a very poor could turn to richness in no time - calculating live as a business is a common mistake you don't want to fall into . . .


و جزاكم الله خير على القراءة
thank you for reading
 

sumaya_graham

Junior Member
Assalam alaikum

Assalam alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh,

Subhanallah, I'm single, English and live in Spain. I could tell you of a few things that have happened to me and it has put me off to be honest with you. I faith in Allah but there is a limit to how much faith you can have in people when so much stuff happens.

I don't say this to brag because I'm actually ashamed more than anything of this but I've had a number of men ask me to marry and they have all had some kind of personal interest in this. I've had some that want papers, one that wanted someone to look after this kids, another one who was actually a druggie and because I was a revert he wanted to marry me so I could help him kick the habit and also because he didn't have papers, another who I visited his sister and there was something that didn't seem right. Apart from that, she came to the steet to greet me with see through clothes and a thong on!! So that put me off and it turned out that he was a not very nice person at all and stole money off people. Alhamdulilah that I've been saved from them all but I have to add that they were all "recommended" to me!!!! Subhanallah. In the case of this one chap people didn't quite get why I didn't like him, he had money etc, but there was just something, I don't know what that put me off and Alhamdulilah it turned out to be better for me. Everyone after said that Allah had looked after me, cos they all thought he was good but turned out to be bad.

Anyway, I probably shouldn't say those things but I just want to let people know what can happen. Insha Allah we will all find a good partner who will love and cherish us for who we are and not what we can offer.

You really must think deeply and check on people before you decide to marry them. There are good men out there I just haven't found one yet!!! Only joking, I guess I'm just unlucky because in this area the muslims tend to be somewhat...dodgy....drug dealing etc.

Insha Allah it will work out in the end.
Fi amanillah,
Sumaya
 

Ameera

Seeking allah
Not Racist But Sincere

Originally Posted by nyerekareem View Post
i'm not turning down anyone. it's that i grew tired of the same old thing. all that i'm saying is that black muslim men have it much harder. there's a better chance of a white woman being accepted before a black man would be. women would be like, i really like you but my family would disown me or hurt me. i know for a fact that many people here know that what i'm saying is true. it may not be for them, but they know people like that.

a couple of times i had visited muslim matrimonial sites and they have the preferences and every race was acceptable, but blacks were never acceptable. white, pakistani,arab,turkish,indian etc were all fine for these parents of the girls. i mean every race under the sun all were fine except the blacks.

again i'm working on proposing right now, so this isn't an issue for me, but it is for a lot black people that are muslims. islam isn't the problem, it's racist culture being introduced to islam.
:wasalam:

I am all for multi cultural marriages as well I have nothing against any person irrespective of their skin colour many of my friends are married to Black males and they adore one and other one of my Best friends recently married a male from Ghana and she is muslim convert, I only wanted to point out that if as Muslims we are to progress we need to have a stronger belief in a person be the right one not some random male/female met on the net, I know how difficult it will be for myself if I choose to marry again because I am divorced and have children my children are of their fathers faith not mine, I converted because I had travelled many roads trying soooo hard to find myself and I had felt so lost and alone even in my marriage, I find it very difficult to trust the words of a man I have never seen nor he has seen me to ask me to marry him, I have no other Muslim family to turn to for advice so I thought that when I converted I had finally found my way only to find in this topic I am lost again ....... So please remember skin colour is not something most of us judge others on its their heart and their beliefs and abilty to be a true good human Being, I hope you find peace with your future bride and also that we are not all racists......
 

dianne

Senior Member
As salam alaykum wa rahmatullahi wabarakatuhu
I fully agree with brother Dawoodi. As far as I think the problem is faced with the brothers who come to the so called 1st world countries (I dont believe in so called 1st or 2nd world) . So when they feel the time that they should get married lots of issues come up with the sister's side. Most of them think that the guy wants to get a Blue Passport or get a green card or whatever. But most dont look for the good qualities in them. Again I am not generalizing the whole scenario but this is the case with most of the people. As a result Brothers, non residents cannot marry resident sisters of the countries in EU and North America. lets be frank that the case is only with EU and NORTH AMERICA. Although each and every region has its own ideology people and their way of treating the groom.
I think you cannot judge or know what is inside a person's mind but atleast you have to careful and be aware, it concerns your life.
I agree with sister Albint Almuslimah too as she pointed out some important issues.
Anyways the ultimate decision rests with Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala, who has the PERFECT OF ALL PLANS. Because each and every step on this life is a test.
But I would like to suggest whoever wants to get married. Seek guidance from Allah, pray Salatul Istikhara and make more and more zikr or remembrance of Allah. Insha Allah , He will guide you and give you of what is best for you.
ma salam

Salam brother,

Brother daud im sorry for your feelings,maybe u can find a girl from your root? Find a religious wife & can cook for you,like brother hussain like a gurl who can cook beriani for him.j/k lol

wassalam
 

Globalpeace

Banned
Massive Institutional Failure!

Asslamo Allaikum,

For us (Muslims living in Non-Muslims lands as minority) we have a massive institutional failure of epic proportions.

Muslims primarily came into these lands as economic migrants and thought that they will go home after a few years once the education is completed or some money is saved up!

Ones with some understanding of the Deen built Mosques (lacking women facilities & other Support community infrastructure) because Hey! They were going to go back home, right?

40+ years later, they are still here and their children are growing up in these countries.

Now we have a number of issues mainly:

1. Kids who have grown up here who don’t have a “back home”!
2. Reverts to Islam who don’t have a “back home”!

Both 1 & 2 only know this system and can only relate to situations and conditions, here!

So we can bicker and talk about issues affecting Brothers/Sisters or we can concentrate on FIXING the SYSTEM….

The SYSTEM of Islam is based on clear and defined leadership and Shura (consultation);our Mosques are supposed to be our centre of lives where Brothers/Sisters come for peace, comfort, socialising advice, counselling and their children interact with other children, their wives talk to other wives, their husbands talk to other husbands, where single people find spouses and spouses get resolution to their problems…

ALL ACCORDING TO QUR’AAN & SUNNAH!

Post 9/11 & 7/7, the reality has been brought into sharp focus.

Our Mosques are simply buildings where people come to pray and NOT the centre of our lives as they should be…

Anyone who really wants to know what I am talking about, I urge you to:

• Visit Spain and see the magnificent Mosques of Islamic Empire in Andalusia in ruins!
• Visit Turkey see the magnificent “EMPTY” Mosques of Islamic Ottoman Empire

Both on the doorstep of Europe to remind those who take heed as to what the FUTURE holds if we don’t get our act together.

Beautiful buildings which are now artefacts because they FAILED to become the nucleus of the communities and the communities slipped away from the Sunnah…Yes it happened gradually but it happened RIGHT in our own back-yards, folks…

Intelligent people study history, decipher patterns and take heed, get to the root of the problem and fix it.

Dumb people, just talk and talk and talk...

P.S: In my humble and unqualified opinion we (Western Muslims) do need to look, study and learn from Singapore, Malaysia, Sri-Lanka & India.
 

rayhanaljanna

Junior Member
AM I WRONG??

marriage is a good subject to talk about looking to the problems we face nowadays
i refused many guys.my mother is so upset about me, she can not understand, we live in an arabic country,people here have nothing to do just gossiping!!!
all the men who proposed to me said the same thing "i suit them" but no one thought, does he suit me?? he is a man and this is enought not to be refused
how can i setlle a family with someone who does not pray, who smoke ...
the way they proposed to me was not correct, yes it is true i want to have my own house , my own family ,i ,want to have children...but sure not with any one , i have to choose their dad
to live in the right way i have to make the right choise
please pry for me and for all of us, i really want to make my parents happy
and bring to them grandsons and granddaugthers but i want to live happy too
 

Saifu deen

Alhamdullah..
:wasalam:
:salam2:


my father is black and my mom is spanish. marriage in islam is the hardest thing if you look or are black. it's like we aren't accepted or respected by no one. we are the worlds most hated race. it's messed up because black people are always accepting of mixed relationships, but there have been so many good muslim women that weren't of my race that i would've considered for marriage and i didn't even bother with it because i knew what the outcome would be. thankfully, today i'm on the works with someone and i hope to marry her in a year inshAllah.

:wasalam:


:salam2:

Baraka Allah feekom for this important topic. I agree with brother nyerekareem, and I ask Allah to ease marraige for this Ummah. A friend of mine had experienced similar incident. I have seen many religious families, very dedicated in helping this Ummah, and fellow the sunnah. But when my friend ''black mu'miinin'' step forward to propose for Arab sister but he was rejected for being black, not his money, not his education, but his colour. I mean why the Ummah teach non-believers that there isnt colour issues in muslims, and how we are all brothers and sisters, while muslim brothers and sisters are being rejected for their skin colour.

I feel very sad for this Ummah, because some brothers, sisters, and elders don't practice what they preach. May Allah (SWT) help this Ummah in following the Qur'an and all the Sunnah and not particular parts of it.

Lets take our Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) as a role model, and give the best example of Islam through out our whole life, and in every situation.. Inshallah

I hope I didnt offend anyone as I addressed the reality in this Ummah, and again May Allah (SWT) ease marriage for our brothers and sisters.. Amiin

:wasalam:
 

Globalpeace

Banned
African Men!

:salam2:


my father is black and my mom is spanish. marriage in islam is the hardest thing if you look or are black. it's like we aren't accepted or respected by no one. we are the worlds most hated race. it's messed up because black people are always accepting of mixed relationships, but there have been so many good muslim women that weren't of my race that i would've considered for marriage and i didn't even bother with it because i knew what the outcome would be. thankfully, today i'm on the works with someone and i hope to marry her in a year inshAllah.

:wasalam:

:wasalam:


:salam2:

Baraka Allah feekom for this important topic. I agree with brother nyerekareem, and I ask Allah to ease marraige for this Ummah. A friend of mine had experienced similar incident. I have seen many religious families, very dedicated in helping this Ummah, and fellow the sunnah. But when my friend ''black mu'miinin'' step forward to propose for Arab sister but he was rejected for being black, not his money, not his education, but his colour. I mean why the Ummah teach non-believers that there isnt colour issues in muslims, and how we are all brothers and sisters, while muslim brothers and sisters are being rejected for their skin colour.

I feel very sad for this Ummah, because some brothers, sisters, and elders don't practice what they preach. May Allah (SWT) help this Ummah in following the Qur'an and all the Sunnah and not particular parts of it.

Lets take our Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) as a role model, and give the best example of Islam through out our whole life, and in every situation.. Inshallah

I hope I didnt offend anyone as I addressed the reality in this Ummah, and again May Allah (SWT) ease marriage for our brothers and sisters.. Amiin

:wasalam:

Asslamo Allaikum,

I find what you say interesting because less then 2 weeks ago a Sister told me that she would love to be married to a black (African) guy & someone in the family is also married to an Afro-Carriben brother...

So Yes & No.
 

Saifu deen

Alhamdullah..
Salam Alykom:

Juleebeb (RA) was not beautiful according to many scholars. Juleebeeb, was a loner, no one wanted to be his friend or socialise with him by any mean. But the only person who loved him and became his friend was our beloved prophet (PBUH). Our prophet (PBUH) asked Juleebeeb, ''Do you want to get married'', Juleebeeb answered ''Yes prophet (PBUH), but who would accept me''. Our prophet (PBUH) told him to go to the house of such and such, and tell them '' Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) said that I must marry your daughter'', the reply of the family was '' yes'', they thought our Prophet (PBUH) wanted to marry her and not Juleebeeb. They asked him who wanted to get married, jullebeeb said ''me'', they said '' You, Juleebeeb want our daughter, what are you thinking''.. When the female who got married to Juleebeeb heard of this, she accepted because that was our Prophet (PBUH) order, and whatever our Prophet (PBUH) chooses is the best for her. However our prophet (PBUH) helped in raising the female during her childhood, and he choose Juleebeeb for his piety to a female that was considered to be raised by the hand of our Prophet (PBUH).. This means our prophet (PBUH) didnt care about anything accept rightousness.


Regarding rejecting brothers for their skin colour:

Our prophet Mohammed (PBUH) relationship with Bilal (RA) was very beautiful and touching. Bilal (RA) loved our prophet (PBUH) and Islam. He heard so much about our beloved prophet (PBUH). Then he was tortured for beliving in Islam by saying (Ahadon Ahad). Abu Baker (RA) bought him from his owner for a few dollars (5 dirham, according to the lecture by Shiekh Ahmed Jabriel). But his owner said ''I would of sold him to you for 1 dirham'', what did Abu Bakr(RA) said '' If you told me to buy him for 300,000 dirham, I would of accept it because he is my brother''. When our Prophet (PBUH) saw Billal after he heard his story, he (PBUH) kissed Billal (RA) in his cheek. Our prophet (PBUH) used to relax in Bilal's (RA) lap. Bilal (RA) was always with our Prophet (PBUH) wherever he (PBUH) goes... I hope this stories shows that Our Prophet (PBUH) loved muslims despite their differences, and when it comes to marriage, race is out of the window.

Wassalam Alykom...
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Salaam dearest brothers and sisters,

First as an older woman who has been married twice I sense both the anticipation and the anxiety in the reponses.
I will be brief. I can not speak for the Muslims living in Muslim countries. I can speak for the Muslims living here in the states.
The second and third generation Muslims have no clue about the homeland. Our masjids are empty except on jummah. We need to do more. We need to become active.
What many have paid attention to is getting the American dream: the graduate degrees, the home in the gated community, the second home in the Bahamas, the beach house, the imported luxury car, and the all important suv.
What does all of this have to do with marriage. We have forgotten the purpose of marriage and you the younger generation are suffering. We need to go back to the Islamic needs for marriage and quit tripping. I know because I tripped.
To the sisters, if he is a sincere Muslim take him. To the brothers, if she is a pious woman take her. This is the person who will help you reach jannath.
We are trapped in bodies; we are limited due to sight and can not see the goodness of the soul. We have to think about the long haul. We have to think about eternity.
One of the blessing of marriage is that it teaches us to forgive the faults of our partners immediately. Think of the blessings that initself brings.
 

Saifu deen

Alhamdullah..
Asslamo Allaikum,

I find what you say interesting because less then 2 weeks ago a Sister told me that she would love to be married to a black (African) guy & someone in the family is also married to an Afro-Carriben brother...

So Yes & No.


:salam2:

Yes this issue goes both ways. But lots of respect for all muslims who chooses pious muslims and muslimah. Every male and female have certain criteria when they look for a husband and wife, which must be met by the future husband and wife, but surley colour shouldn't be one of them. To refuse a brother/sister on other grounds (islamic reasons)is very possible, but rejecting him/her for race related would't be a sign of fulfilling the teachings of our prophet (PBUH). Many brothers reject the idea of marriage till they are 40 in order to fulfil the criteria which was created by the society.

On the other hand many sisters a wait the right person (lots of money, known in the community, black/white ect,,).. When the male reaches 40 years old, majority of men would like to marry younger sisters in their 20s. Ok, whats the chances of the sisters at 40 years of age, who still wait for the right person. Marriage became a major difficulty to many people, and this has sadly led to many bad expereinces (increase in sexual harrasment, and rape), and the increase of the third gender (may Allah swt show them hidaya). To Solve all this in my opinion is by easing marriage to muslims in general inshallah.

We are 1.6 billion, and we talk about the need of strength of this Ummah, we can fulfil this if we dont have any differences (rich,poor,black,white,fat,skinney,educated,uneducated, healthy, disable)but piety. At that point we shall be strong inshallah

May Allah increase the wisdom of this Ummah and help us all to comply with the teaching of Qur'an and Sunnah..

:wasalam:
 

Sophie

Junior Member
:salam2: When I was approuched by my husbands family to consider marriage to my husband,I did not ask how much money he made. I did not ask about his worldly goods. I asked about his heart. I asked if he was a good man. A happy man. A good Muslim. I asked if he was a kind man. When I felt confident my (future at that time) husband was all of those things, I agreed to marry him..having never met him in person. I put all my trust in Allah..alhamdulillah we have been so happy since the very first day of our marriage together for many years now. I should add that the family came to me because both my parents have been dead for a long time and I have no other family for them to go to in exactly a proper way regarding my marrying their son and brother. Oh,I should add that I am American,my husband is Jordanian,but I went to Jordan to marry him and we never wanted to live in America. So it was not an issue,as some are,of a "papers marriage".:hijabi:
 

Sophie

Junior Member
I want to add that I was 42 when I married my husband and he was 30. I had given up on ever getting married(again,as I had been married in my 20's that led to divorce) because I could not find a man that was everything my husband is. Age did not matter to him and it did not matter to me. We don't even see each other as one being older and one being younger. As for children,we knew it may not be possible because of my age.What if I had said he was too young for me? Or he had said I was too old? We would have missed out on so much love in our lives.I had learned (before I had agreed to marriage)that he did not finish his schooling,but not because he is an ignorant man,but so intelligent that school moved too slow for him and it bored him. What if I had rejected him because he was not college educated? Everyone wants him to work for them because he is so smart.(Ok,now I'm just bragging about him,but I can't help it,I love him and respect who he is SO MUCH!) I guess my point of all this is when we put limitations on love,we get what we settle for.:hearts: And too many time's that is a loveless marriage because it was based on,for example, income.
 

stranger786

Dream of His Slavery
I want to add that I was 42 when I married my husband and he was 30. I had given up on ever getting married(again,as I had been married in my 20's that led to divorce) because I could not find a man that was everything my husband is. Age did not matter to him and it did not matter to me. We don't even see each other as one being older and one being younger. As for children,we knew it may not be possible because of my age.What if I had said he was too young for me? Or he had said I was too old? We would have missed out on so much love in our lives.I had learned (before I had agreed to marriage)that he did not finish his schooling,but not because he is an ignorant man,but so intelligent that school moved too slow for him and it bored him. What if I had rejected him because he was not college educated? Everyone wants him to work for them because he is so smart.(Ok,now I'm just bragging about him,but I can't help it,I love him and respect who he is SO MUCH!) I guess my point of all this is when we put limitations on love,we get what we settle for.:hearts: And too many time's that is a loveless marriage because it was based on,for example, income.

may Allah bless and protect urs family.

:salah:
 

TheKnowledgeSeeker

A Believer In Heart
:salam2: When I was approuched by my husbands family to consider marriage to my husband,I did not ask how much money he made. I did not ask about his worldly goods. I asked about his heart. I asked if he was a good man. A happy man. A good Muslim. I asked if he was a kind man. When I felt confident my (future at that time) husband was all of those things, I agreed to marry him..having never met him in person. I put all my trust in Allah..alhamdulillah we have been so happy since the very first day of our marriage together for many years now. I should add that the family came to me because both my parents have been dead for a long time and I have no other family for them to go to in exactly a proper way regarding my marrying their son and brother. Oh,I should add that I am American,my husband is Jordanian,but I went to Jordan to marry him and we never wanted to live in America. So it was not an issue,as some are,of a "papers marriage".:hijabi:

That is so cool and brave i mean i real don't think i have the guts to go overboard to marry or meet a guy even though i am USA citizen and can come back anytime. May cos of my lack of trust in people and myself anyways sis that was amazing and thank you for share! May Allah bless you and your family a happy & long lifes together!!!
 

thehelper

New Member
Salaamo akai kum
Very true sister...Bring the Deen into Practice
Take them as they are (as far as they are on the deen)
Jazakallah khair
 

amira87

I love Allah
Salam alikum

You are 100 percent correct because there are alot of people out there who dont look for the deen in marriage settlements, and subhanallah......the sisters nowaday expect so much for their mahr. Its like a brother has to have a burden on him everytime he gets married. "wheres my gold, wheres my jewerly" subhanallah.....I thought deen was the importance.....not the money. Also the weddings.....why are they sooo expensive and why is haram going on at the weddings? I think alot of brothers and sister know what I am talking about.
 
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