(If this should be in the Brothers Only area I apologize; feel free to move it if so).
Asalaamu alaikum
I've been talking to a sister in another country. I thought things were going OK until I suggested we make arrangements for me to meet her.
She wrote me a very long email saying she feels I may be "too strict". She listed examples such as me fearing riba (I am wanting to get out of my mortgage), me not listening to music, and that I am strict about hijab (I would rather my wife not wear pants outside the house - let alone stretch pants). She was even bothered when I asked if her father was OK with us emailing (I've talked to other sisters online before about marriage and their walis were ALWAYS copied in the emails, with this sister he wasn't).
The brothers at my masjid told me that had a woman told them what she told me they would be flattered. And that they would probably move on.
Should I compromise my principles? She describes herself as a "moderate" Muslim. I am just Sunni - and obey the Sunnah as I am taught to.
I'm not quite sure which way to go here.
Salaam,
Well, I am not a perfect Muslim and my level of Iman fluctuates like crazy...sometimes it goes to a very high level... particularly during the Ramadan and sometimes its dips to record level low...when I am in crisis (emotionally, not financially!)...currently my Iman level has gone down low...I shouldn't be giving advice rather should be hearing them a lot but really couldn't help stopping myself from replying to your post...cz the problem you are facing right now is very very similar among young or new muslims.
I assure you your decision of coming out mortgage is very sane...there is absolutely wrong in this...Islam speaks against mortgage, thats the beauty of Islam...people who have mortgage generally pays compound interest to the bank hence end up weakening their financial foundation to a great extent.
I seriously don't recommend, but if you have a very weak credit history in your country do consider remaining in mortgage if and only if you can (and will) pay the monthly instalments on time...its a clever way to boost your credit history which enables you to easily get a loan, credit card etc. Again, I seriously dont recommend this my brother!
Well, when I was in the undergrad college I was very very religious...read a lot of books on Islam...infact I was literally addicted to reading about Islam...a good addiction...somewhere I read (cant recollect the name of the book) it said "never go overboard with your religion" ...the book said with reference to Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) that the belief is your heart, manners is your sunnah, your manners should never be so extreme that it upsets a fellow muslim/any human being...being over-zealous harms the Islamic community...
a classic example can be drawn from Hadith of Sahih Bukhari...Prophet Mohd (pbuh) came to the tent of Aisha and lie down on the bed, two slave girls were playing musical instruments and singing... neither he nor Aisha asked them to stop...Abu Bakr came to the tent and was furious...he told the two slave girls to shut up and commented in surprise "What! instruments of shaitan(evil) near Prophet?!!!"; Prophet asked him to cool down and downplayed the whole incident.
Please understand why Prophet himself told us not listen to music but on the contrary himself didnt ask the two slave girls to stop singing/playing...thinking logically it makes perfect sense! Prophet Mohd (pbuh) didnt really forbid us to listen to music at all...rather he asked us not waste valuable time in listening to music and missing prayers...in other words give due importance to Prayers and your work...I dont think listening to music in your free time (at leisure) harms a muslim in any way...being a muslim I listen to music..mostly western rock but I am a selective listener for example I dont listen to rap (specially eminem) since it contains haraam language...Yousuf Islam sang a lot...beautiful songs...does that mean that he is not a muslim?
Bottom line is its not music but its its your taste and the time which dictates whether you listening to music is a haraam activity or not.
I dont want to comment on women wearing hijab due to personal reasons.
Your inclination on copying the relatives of a girl in the email exchanges is absolutely fine...it makes sense...but not all women are alike and generally like to create an own space hence are fiercely protective about their privacy...I am afraid, western muslim girls are very independent minded and would not generally appreciate such a formal communication...
Please understand whatever I said in this post are my own opinions only and many people would not generally agree with my point of view.
Jazakallahu-kahairun.
