In need of advice....again

[Shannonx]

Asalam alaikum
I'd be grateful if any of my Muslim brothers and sisters could help me out a bit. Maybe some of you have been in this position as well, so any sort of help i'd be happy for

I am really, really, really stressed out. To the point where I think i'm going to have a mental breakdown. With school, then with learning more about Islam and learning how to pray and with hiding this from my family it's getting really tough. I knew it would be tough, but I don't think I can handle it. And all the peace I felt when I became a Muslim is gone. In a way even I feel like i'm growing farther away from Allah Certain days I can go and do my prayers, but then today I just felt like I couldn't do it at all. With still learning how to do it on my own, I feel like there's really no point in doing it because I always think i'm doing it wrong or not giving it my all. I know I should take it one step at a time, but even though i'm doing that I still find it impossible for me to ever learn how to do it. Even doing it in my room, I still get inturrupted. Either by my mom or dad yelling at each other and cussing, or by them just knocking on my door. So when I don't do my prayers, I feel so bad and honestly get really sad about it. Then I have thoughts that being a Muslim is stressing me out even more, which I HATE to think. I'm really happy i'm a Muslim, I thank Allah for leading me to the straight path, but then I have thoughts that Islam is just adding more stress to my life. I'm the type of person who gets stressed way too easily and I never know how to handle it, or even to tell myself to calm down. I'd say pray and feel closer to Allah, but how can I when I don't even know how? When i'm doing my prayers too I don't feel close to Allah or that i'm accomplishing anything. Even if I do my 5 daily prayers I don't feel joy that I did them all.

Anyways, what I need is some advice on what I should do. I need to be more stronger when it comes to being a Muslim, but sadly I don't even know how to.
None that involve the masjid though, since i can't goto the masjid and get help from there like i've stated in previous threads.

 

[revertmuslimah]

Asalaamu alaikum sister

Sister Shannon,
Im so very sorry, please forgive as I have been neglecting you recently, I have been so tied up in my own life I didnt forget about you, I was ready to PM twice I didnt end up doing it for one reason or another I even had the messgae written. Astaghfirullah. I can only hope you will forgive me. I am trying to put together some stuff for muslimahs really basic kinda stuff but not much progress so far.

Please do not worry too much, the fact that you are getting upset over this shows you are still a good muslim. I totally emphasise with you, I will sned you the stuff you need soon inshallah. Its so hard but Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) knows that our iman (faith) goes up and down, I was listening to a lecture by Suhaib Webb about this, and he says that Al-Qu'ran is the cure, if we read it our faith grows stronger. As you know shaytan is after you big-time right now, he is doing he damned hardest to make you give up Islam but dont do this. Everyone misses prayers once in a while even the most pious, we all make mistakes. If you want add me to messenger and we can chat inshallah online and I can try to help you. This helps a lot as you dont have the support systems new muslims need. As for not doing prayers on time, dont worry you can make them up when you can pray. My fiance has prayed all his prayers at Isha prayer once as he missed the whole days prayers due to various reasons. But the trying is what counts, Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) knows that you are truly repentful for missing prayers. If its any consolation Im going through the same kinda thing because of my teacher training, but Alhumdulillah im getting better because im more organised now. Make lots of Dua sister. Sorry have to go now as its time to go to school.

May Allah make you strong in your iman and also keep you on the staright path.

yours sister in Islam
revertmuslimah

 

[revertmuslimah]

oh

if its any consolation, i regularly have to pray while my flatmates are playing 50 cent, DMX etc not especially good for iman. Ohhh and listen to lots of nasheeds they always make my iman stronger.

 

[alkathiri]

:salam2:

The shaitaan has come to haunt u . Dont let it succeed...
Dont give up..

Dont rush into things...plz
Get a muslima buddy...if possible..Any muslima in your school..?

 

[Shannonx]

Walaikum Asalam

It's fine sister, I know you're busy. Don't worry..

I read the Qu'ran online, i've never even touched a Qu'ran. My only way of ever reading the Qur'an is when i'm online, which isn't that much lately. Listening to Nasheeds or the Qu'ran on my mp3 player use to relax me, but now it doesn't. I tried listening to the Qur'an earlier but I didn't feel better at all. So even not finding comfort in listening to the beautiful recitation of the Qur'an (with English translation) is upsetting me.

I've noticed too everytime I try to pray all these things happen. Like my parents wouldn't be arguing, but once I go and do wudu it seems like my whole family goes insane and decides it's their time to start fighting with each other, and it lasts until i'm done with prayer. I want to tell them so it'll atleast get easier, but i'm not ready yet.

It's just strange, like right now i'm sad but tomorrow I may feel completly different and do my prayers and not even hesistate to do it.

 

[Shannonx]

Asalam Alaikum alkathiri

I don't know of any Muslim sisters at my school. Last year there was but she was a Senior, and it never even crossed my mind because I didn't know anything about Islam so I didn't pay much attention to that.

 

[alkathiri]

Asalam Alaikum alkathiri

I don't know of any Muslim sisters at my school. Last year there was but she was a Senior, and it never even crossed my mind because I didn't know anything about Islam so I didn't pay much attention to that.

:salam2:
okay what u need to do is get a muslima buddy...

inshAllah u can pray at her house and maybe study together...

Do you know how to recite the quran...?

if u dont get in touch with the islamic center , get them to teach u...

Dont rush into things......

Be strong and dont give up...

I make dua that ur parents accept u as a muslim, inshAllah and god relieve ur stresses..

 

[Maria Norway]

asalamualeikum sister!

My advice to you is look at the big picture...this life, even though its stressful at times, is only temporarily..while paradise is forever..that's what I tell myself when I face troubles..like someone shouting that I look like the Taliban etc in the streets..

Regarding doing the prayers right..I have not been muslim for long and I know im not there yet with my prayers...however..Allah subbana wat'ala knows my intention! I have memorised al fatiha..and for the recitation I dont kow yet I recite the shahada repeatedly so that it takes up as mush time as the intended reictation would.

Dont know how you do it but this works for me...I have the intention of learning more and Allah knows that!

All the best sister!!

 

[farhopes]

Assalamo alikom, dear sister, Shanoon

My dear sister, You are in our hearts
The greatest grace in our life is when we are guided to the Truth. That's the real and the mighty winning. All praise be to Allah that He guided you to Him. However, you have to know that every believer has to be tested by Allah to examine his or her truthfulness.
Believe me dear sister, all these difficulties are just for a temporary time and then you'll get relaxed, happy and you'll appreciate the great grace you become a Muslim.
All you have to do is to strive as much as you can to keep on your prayers as they are one of the main pillars of Islam. Your prayers keep you always in touch with Allah. Feel free to talk to God during your prostration, that's when you are the closest to Him. Allah likes it when we talk to Him freely and ask Him for anything.
Be aware that there is a deadly enemy trying hard to destroy your faith and drag you back. It's the Satan. Never give him a chance. We are your family and your brothers and sisters. All the time you'll find us near you.
May Allah help you, strengthen your faith and grant you peace.

Your sister Amany

 

[sugarbb]

Assalammualaikum sister,

My dear sister Shannonx, now that you are a muslim, satans are coming after you from every angle they can ! Do NOT submit ! Reverts and born muslims alike, are always tempted by the whispers of the devils, no exceptions. Allah had willed and you became a muslim, that itself is the Greatest gift for you,
Alhamdulillah. Do not be despair. If you feel satans are whispering to you to leave your salat, you can say
a'uzu billah himinasyaitan nirrajiim (i seek refuge in Allah from satan the accurse). If in time, you can read ayat Kursi, better for you. Take it a step at a time, since you are new. If you can get a copy of the Al Quran with translation would be better. So you can open it and read it when you feel down.
*Remember my sister, satans will continue to make you feel bad being a muslim and that is their mission. So DON'T let them accomplish that ! You can be strong and Allah See and Knoweth Everything and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Mercifull .:tti_sister:

 

[abdellah007]

salam

salam alaykum sister,

sister just be strong , i ve seen the same problem with my german friend who converted recently, she was praying but she always thought she is not doing it well, and she asked me, why am praying if i dont do it perfectly, i adviced her and helped her and now she is trying to do her best for the pricticing, as she is far from me, i made do3a for her and i am doing the same for you right now.

to improve our deen we have to struggle for it, not only for converts even for us as born muslims.

dont give up sister, we re all here for supporting you, and of course there s always ur creator who will never leave you alone.

wassalam

 

[Albint_Almuslima]

Asalam alaikum
I'd be grateful if any of my Muslim brothers and sisters could help me out a bit. Maybe some of you have been in this position as well, so any sort of help i'd be happy for

I am really, really, really stressed out. To the point where I think i'm going to have a mental breakdown. With school, then with learning more about Islam and learning how to pray and with hiding this from my family it's getting really tough. I knew it would be tough, but I don't think I can handle it. And all the peace I felt when I became a Muslim is gone. In a way even I feel like i'm growing farther away from Allah Certain days I can go and do my prayers, but then today I just felt like I couldn't do it at all. With still learning how to do it on my own, I feel like there's really no point in doing it because I always think i'm doing it wrong or not giving it my all. I know I should take it one step at a time, but even though i'm doing that I still find it impossible for me to ever learn how to do it. Even doing it in my room, I still get inturrupted. Either by my mom or dad yelling at each other and cussing, or by them just knocking on my door. So when I don't do my prayers, I feel so bad and honestly get really sad about it. Then I have thoughts that being a Muslim is stressing me out even more, which I HATE to think. I'm really happy i'm a Muslim, I thank Allah for leading me to the straight path, but then I have thoughts that Islam is just adding more stress to my life. I'm the type of person who gets stressed way too easily and I never know how to handle it, or even to tell myself to calm down. I'd say pray and feel closer to Allah, but how can I when I don't even know how? When i'm doing my prayers too I don't feel close to Allah or that i'm accomplishing anything. Even if I do my 5 daily prayers I don't feel joy that I did them all.

Anyways, what I need is some advice on what I should do. I need to be more stronger when it comes to being a Muslim, but sadly I don't even know how to.
None that involve the masjid though, since i can't goto the masjid and get help from there like i've stated in previous threads.

Asalam Alakum sister,

Its Ok this is all just a test from Allah. U have to be Patient!

If u need help with learning how to pray and other things regarding Islam, i would be more than happy to help u, maybe we can keep in touch with eachother ( im a female, so i dont think there might be a problem with us talking to eachother). If u do need anything im here and Insha Allah i will always be here to help u.

Take Care,

Salam Alakum

 

[amyaishazouaoui]

:salam2:

i know its really hard sis, and I can fully appreciate what you are oing through.
what I do is use my "islam" time as my chill out time too. I know its hard but the shaytan is whispering trying their best to put you off, well thats their job.

I used to be like "oh my god wha am I going to doooooo nooooo.... there is so much to learn in islam how am i going to manage.

Now i make some small, effective short term goals. Even if for example you learn one extra word of a surah or part of your prayer or part of a dua, atleast then you are looking and moving forward.
A little every day is good because its consistant.This is really good too when you are busy with school work or in my case family work study etcetcetc. It means you are still moving forward in your islam and can feel good about it.

Keep you chin up sis and remember you will be rewarded for your struggles inshallah and remember

"........ Allah does not charge a soul except what He has given it. Allah will bring about after hardship, ease. ( surah at talaq (65) ayat 7)"

take care



a

 

[pilgrim]

asalamu alaikum sister

well now i kno i'm not alone in a situation like this...the only difference is wen i pray i feeel really peace ful and closer to Allah(SWT).
sis you shudnt say stuff like Islam is making your life stressful...with no peace...no... Islam means peace acquired by submitting your will totally to Allah(subhaana hu wa ta'ala). Remember Allah guides whom He wills ,you suppose to feel glad and happy inside no matter how tough things is with you,,,,this life is jus play and amusemant,,,,its a test for the hereafter....ur probly paying of ur sins.....dont listen to shaytan wen he whispers in ur ears,,,,he is the chief deceiver....You know Islam is the only True religion....Say to urself thank God....alhamdulilah....dat Allah has choosen Islam 4 me and dat he guided me....how much peopple these days sees Islam for waht it really is????
dont be decieved by joy and happinesss...no....you pray...pray ...pray....Allah is jus tesing you....He loves you.....fight hard....Read Qur'an dats how my Imaan boasts up.....Read surah hud,luqman,sajdah,furqan....there are more beautiful surahs....actually all are....but these had an effect on me...

So sis please if you abandon Islam,you're doomed in this life and ultimately,most importantly you would be one of the losers on the day of judgement....inshaallah after you hav read those surahs and prayed and make du'a to Allah,begging Him to guide you,your Imaan wud increase....Remember Allah loves the patient ones and the ones who does everthing to please Him...for His sake.....and to Allah we belong and to Him alone we shall return....:tti_sister: :tti_sister:

i'm living among hindus...my parents are i'm a revert also...they quarrel thay fight,,,they do those hindu stuff...so what....i kno my God is one...He is Allah...if i dont find peace in Him where else wud i find peace...praying to concrete idols....who themselves were created???....Jesus...who is the son of maryam????
Sis you're jus going true a phase but fight it....shaytan is tryin to misguide you,,,dont listen to him....AllahuAkbar

 

[learnermuslim]

Assalaam Alaikum Sister Shannonx,

First of all, please relax, take a time out. Secondly, please do not see, or make following Islam a burden.

Take your time Sister, do as much as you can, when and where you can. Your concern and efforts are commendable and rest assured Allah will be noting this all down. As for making mistakes we are all human and will keep making mistakes till we die, so don't give up praying or lose heart because of this.

As others have stated do stuff that reaffirms your belief in Allah and Islam like reading the Quran, meditating, thinking about the truth of Islam. As you know Zikr, talking and, or considering Islamic aspects, is another form or prayer, so just think about Islam and you will get the rewards and be a Muslim. Just have patience and keep those good intentions intact. InshAllah sister you are in this for the long run, the rest of your life so don't give up the good work you are doing.

Lastly, please use this forum to keep in contact with positive people, your friends, sisters and brothers who care and worry about you. You are not alone, remember that please.

InshAllah prayers Allah makes your situation much better very soon and keeps your Iman and makes it stronger till then, Ameen.


Fi amanAllah

 

[Irvan]

Sister Shannonx,

May Allah Guidence will be upon you always...

Be patient my dear sister, for all of us are being tested by Allah in this world...

[21:35] .... and We test you by evil and by good by way of trial. to Us must ye return.

Each of us are trial for others, and others are trial for each of us... so be patient as Allah told us to be...

[25:20] We have made some of you as a trial for others: will ye have patience? for Allah is One Who sees (all things).

All our rewards and bless from Allah are starting from our patience...

[23:111] "I have rewarded them this Day for their patience and constancy: they are indeed the ones that have achieved Bliss..."

For those who patient will be met with salutation and peace from Their
Lord in heaven...

[25:75] Those are the ones who will be rewarded with the highest place in heaven, because of their patient constancy: therein shall they be met with salutations and peace

And remember these, my dear sister...

[2:153] O ye who believe! seek help with patient perseverance and prayer; for Allah is with those who patiently persevere.

[2:154] And say not of those who are slain in the way of Allah: "They are dead." Nay, they are living, though ye perceive (it) not

[2:155] Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere,

[2:156] Who say, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return":-

[2:157] They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance.

And be patience for the help of Allah, like our noble prophet and those who followed him had been patient, as all mankind including all Allah's prophets are being tested in this world;

[2:214] Or do ye think that ye shall enter the Garden (of bliss) without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? they encountered suffering and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the Messenger and those of faith who were with him cried: "When (will come) the help of Allah?" Ah! Verily, the help of Allah is (always) near!

So ask for Allah's help always, as Allah is near...

[2:186] When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calleth on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way.

So near than all of us can imagine...

[50:16] It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein.

Hope this may help you sister...

Allah knows the best

Wassalam

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Little daughter, it is o.k. Stress is the devil attempting to stop us. Stress leads to inactivity. Stress is the precursor to depression. It is normal to a certain extent. Welcome to the human race.
Think of the chick emerging from the shell. It takes effort and work. You have a lot going on. Yet you have courage. You have not given up.
One of the most beautiful sura's in the Holy Quran is Yusef. He was thrown in a well. It is a dark and desolate place to be. Yet, with the Plan of Allah, he overcame the time in the well.
We all have moments in the well. The nice thing is there is only one way out and that is up. Everyone here has given you good advise. Listen and read and know that you are in the hearts and prayers of many, many people.
My advise is go eat a king sized candy bar. Enjoy each morsel. And thank Allah that you have a huge family that loves you. Re-read the answers posted as you eat your king sized candy bar. Digest the suggestions and the king sized candy bar.
Start over tomorrow.

 

[kayleigh]

I went through pretty much the same thing. I felt isolated, I didn't know if I was doing things right, I found it so easy to forget my prayers, and I was stressed out when it came to balancing school work with trying to learn about Islam. I put my academic studies first (which I don't regret at all), but at the end of each day I felt like I was losing time and that I could have somehow done more to learn or to be a better Muslim.

There is a point to doing the prayers, even if you're doing them wrong! You're trying to learn them, and Allah knows that. He also knows that you won't be right 100% of the time and you can't be expected to know everything immediately after converting. I too went through a period where doing the prayers seemed empty to me and I didn't really feel accomplished at all. After first converting, I felt such peace and then I seemed to have lost that along the way. Thankfully it's back again and I do find peace in my prayers and I feel closer to Allah. I don't really know what changed - I just kept on doing it. And I can relate to the fear of your parents finding out. Every time I pray and hear footsteps outside my room I panic and am very afraid of them walking in and seeing me.

I would really suggest finding a "mentor" in this case - someone to learn from. I know you said you can't go to the masjid, and I can't really either. But call the masjid - some have someone who's sort of in charge of "public relations". Someone who is in charge of outreach, helping new converts, and answering any questions non-Muslims may have. Talk to them and tell them your situation (that's what I did). They may offer to meet with you outside the masjid and help or find someone who can help you. Its entirely possible to learn about Islam outside of the masjid if its impossible to go to one. I've grown close to a Muslim family here and two members of the family have sort of become my mentors, all without ever going to the masjid with either of them. Ideally, they'll try to find you some Muslim girls close to your age who can help you.

Just remember that you're not expected to learn everything overnight. You're not expected to get up before dawn the day after converting and keep up with your five prayers in perfect Arabic. Your behavior will change slowly as you get used to the lifestyle and as you get used to the things that you have to do. All that matters is that you try. If you can't do something, don't beat yourself up about it. Just try again. And remember - tomorrow is a new day.

Lastly, you might want to check out http://www.islamreligion.com Go to the bottom of the left column and click on "Live Help" (if it's online at the time). You can talk anonymously with someone from the website. That helped me a lot when I first converted. If you have any questions they can answer them or direct you to something that will answer them. Tell them your situation and they can help. For me, they were able to find a contact in my city (who was the "public relations"/outreach guy at the masjid) who was able to help me and set me up with some women who could help me too. If you're worried about your privacy, just tell them to e-mail you the number of the person (if they find anyone). You don't have to give out your number to them at all. Use a fake e-mail address if you want. They can also send you some books. I was expecting a Qur'an and maybe a little pamphlet or two, but I ended up with a package of 20 books on Islam, a Qur'an, and a DVD on prayer which I think could help you a lot. I would assume it wouldn't be OK to have them shipped to your house, but maybe you could ask a close friend who knows you converted if you could have them sent to their address. That's what I did. Just make sure they know they ship from Saudi Arabia so they won't get freaked out!

By the way, how old are you?

(Sorry for the length of this!)

PS - I think eating a candy bar and relaxing is the best advice I've heard! haha

 

[justoneofmillion]

Asalam Alaikum alkathiri

I don't know of any Muslim sisters at my school. Last year there was but she was a Senior, and it never even crossed my mind because I didn't know anything about Islam so I didn't pay much attention to that.

assalam aleikum sister just give it more time and perseverance make a lot of dua wow sister i never thought the world was runing out of muslims in fact the whole world is complaining about them multiplying too fast try to get in touch with some sister please you need to be around muslims i guess that is what your stress is kinda screaming out loud for sis seriously who is going to help and inspire me and some new muslims to understand about islam if you don`t the other posts are correct ...

ps:isn`t shannonx something like a reference to a well known figure and leader?

well if so then you do not need to wonder that someone thought you were a boy the other day..lol

wassalam
your brother islam

 

[Shannonx]

Walaikum Asalam

<<ps:isn`t shannonx something like a reference to a well known figure and leader?>>

I didn't even think of that when I made my screen name. I didn't want to just put my name as a screen name, so I just put an x to it. It wasn't because of that reason though.

I live in a town where there's more than 15 churches. There are even churches right across the street from each other, and only one mosque. I have no idea how many Muslims are here, I never see any. If there are Muslim women, I haven't noticed because I haven't seen anyone wearing the hijab.


Anyways, i wish I could write you all but that'd be a whole lot of writing back to do lol. So thanks again everyone for the help, i'll try and do what everyone said.

<<
By the way, how old are you?>>

I'm 18 years old.