Pologamy?

[a_stranger]

:salam2:

Looking at what is happening in our world today ( affairs outside marriage) makes us understand the wisdom of polygamy . It keeps the society clean, it stops adultery .Allah is all wise subhanahu wa taala. Still I believe man should care about his wife's feelings and try not to hurt her.

 

[esperanza]

:salam2:

Looking at what is happening in our world today ( affairs outside marriage) makes us understand the wisdom of polygamy . It keeps the society clean, it stops adultery .Allah is all wise subhanahu wa taala. Still I believe man should care about his wife's feelings and try not to hurt her.

I UNDERSTAND THAT POLYGAMY IS NEEDE IN CERTAIN SOCIAL SITUATIONS..

but if you say its to stop adultery and because of mans desires,,,what does that say about men ..they cant be content wiht one woman!!!

 

[Hatty]

I think polygamy is necessary to sustain monogamy in a society.

i like your statement. can you explain more....lol

 

[Perseveranze]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

Possibly relevant.

Facts and Statistics About Infidelity

Given the secretive nature of infidelity, exact figures about cheating and extra-marital affairs are nearly impossible to establish. But, listed below are some of the most well-supported facts about cheating. All cited sources can be found on our reference page.

• It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage (see, Buss and Shackelford for review of this research). And these numbers are probably on the conservative side, when you consider that close to half of all marriages end in divorce (people are more likely to stray as relationships fall apart; also see, who is likely to cheat).

• Research consistently shows that 2 to 3% of all children are the product of infidelity (see, Anderson). And most of these children are unknowingly raised by men who are not their biological fathers. DNA testing is finally making it easy for people to check the paternity of their children (see, paternity issues).

• Infidelity is becoming more common among people under 30. Many experts believe this increase in cheating is due to greater opportunity (time spent away from a spouse) and young people developing the habit of having multiple sexual partners before they get married (see, young and restless - Wall Street Journal).

• There are no definitive "signs of cheating." But, in hindsight you will always find them (see, signs of infidelity).

• Some cultures have adopted extreme measures to combat infidelity: female circumcision, allowing only limited contact between the sexes, and death as a punishment. While many other cultures view infidelity as more of a nuance, not a serious marital problem (see, cultural perspectives - Msn).

• Men are more likely to cheat than women. But, as women become more financially independent, women are starting to act more like men with respect to infidelity (also see, cheating wife, cheating husband, why men cheat, and why women cheat).

• In many cases, infidelity never gets discovered (see, cheating spouse quiz).

• Emotionally, it is possible to have feelings for more than one person at a time. Pragmatically, loving more than one person is difficult to do (see, polyamory - Truth, Lies, and Romance Blog).

• As more and more women enter the work force, "office romances" are becoming more common. Spouses often spend more time with coworkers than with each other.

• The internet, e-mail, and chat rooms are making it easier for people to engage in infidelity (see, online cheating).

• The initial decision to be unfaithful is rarely ever a rational choice; instead infidelity is usually driven by circumstances and one's emotions. In fact, most people are surprised by their own behavior at the start of an affair (see, decision to cheat).

• Emotional infidelity, compared to just physical infidelity, can inflict as much, if not more, hurt, pain and suffering. And to make matters worse, most infidelity involves both physical and emotional betrayal (see, what counts as cheating).

• Unfortunately, many people find a more suitable mate (someone they love more than their spouse) after they are already married.

• Biological evidence (i.e., research on biology and reproduction) indicates that long-term monogamy is difficult for humans to achieve - NOT impossible, but difficult (see, Barash and Lipton or the myth of monogamy - Salon.com).

• Almost everyone admits to having fantasies that involve someone other than a spouse (see, Hicks and Leitenberg).

• Jealousy is such a fundamental, universal emotion because infidelity has been a part of our human nature for a very long time (see, Buss).

Didn't find the information you were looking for? Please, visit our common question page.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

The nature of man makes him not content with one wife. For some yes, but men like variety.
In terms of content..this is not sexual. Why people get stuck on the sexual makes me laugh.

There is more to a relationship than the sexual. A man may fulfill the obligations of his family. He may marry the one chosen for him. He may provide and love his wife. He in no way can be called a bad husband or father. He does it all for all his responsibilities.

But, he may have a need that is beyond responsibility. He may meet the one who completes him. There is no denial of what he has; there is more and deeper. It may reach him on a spiritual level. Short of that he will always be empty. Islam provides an outlet for that.

It is not for everyone. It is Sunna. One can only practice ones deen to his comfort level. There is no need for debate or apology.

 

[MuslimShadow]

i like your statement. can you explain more....lol

okay.everybody knows monogamy means hassle free life (in general) but it is at stake because of "some" men's nature.especially the rich men that's evident from today's scenario.either you allow love affairs resulting in divorce,or help another sister get a home.

that's all i know right now,can't explain more......

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister,

Your comments are gross over-generalizations. Monogamy is not hassle free. You are stereotyping and then you write you can not explain it. That is incorrect. That is poor thinking.
And why are you blaming men for love affairs? It takes two to tango...what does money have to do with sex? When has the lack of money ever stopped anyone from doing what they wish??

Is this really what you wish to convey?

 

[a_stranger]

I UNDERSTAND THAT POLYGAMY IS NEEDE IN CERTAIN SOCIAL SITUATIONS..

but if you say its to stop adultery and because of mans desires,,,what does that say about men ..they cant be content wiht one woman!!!

:salam2:

I don't know but looking to what is happening in life , I think poplgamy is a clean alternative . It satisfy the need of both men and women . Not to satisfy some desires but to make a stable family.

 

[a_stranger]

I think family is very important to support humans emotionally and socially . That desire that Allah put in people is meant for bigger goal to make humanity grow this can't be down without stable clean families . Now things is deviated from it's correct path. Many people think that they should live to enjoy life .....no more .......we can enjoy life but we should understand why we are created: to worship Allah subhanahu wa taala ....making a good family with all details serves that cause.

 

[esperanza]

Assalaam walaikum,

The nature of man makes him not content with one wife. For some yes, but men like variety.
In terms of content..this is not sexual. Why people get stuck on the sexual makes me laugh.

There is more to a relationship than the sexual. A man may fulfill the obligations of his family. He may marry the one chosen for him. He may provide and love his wife. He in no way can be called a bad husband or father. He does it all for all his responsibilities.

But, he may have a need that is beyond responsibility. He may meet the one who completes him. There is no denial of what he has; there is more and deeper. It may reach him on a spiritual level. Short of that he will always be empty. Islam provides an outlet for that.

It is not for everyone. It is Sunna. One can only practice ones deen to his comfort level. There is no need for debate or apology.

salam
why should a man not be content wiht one wife ,if shes gives him all he needs,,,so a woman must stik with the one who is chosen even if very hard ,and the man is free to choose the one who completes him,,,

 

[esperanza]

okay.everybody knows monogamy means hassle free life (in general) but it is at stake because of "some" men's nature.especially the rich men that's evident from today's scenario.either you allow love affairs resulting in divorce,or help another sister get a home.

that's all i know right now,can't explain more......

why should men be thinking of another woman if they have a good and loyal wife,,,,,,,,

 

[MuslimShadow]

why should men be thinking of another woman if they have a good and loyal wife,,,,,,,,

hmm.only a man can answer that.

 

[MuslimShadow]

assalamu alaikum,everyone

i have learned in my bio classes that during spermatogenesis,spermatids differentiates into 4 spermatozoa whereas in oogenesis only one ovum is produced......isn't it strange. it is the exact no. of wives a man is allowed to have.........just wondering.

 

[Tomtom]

There is also a dark side to polygamy and that is jealousy. A woman may agree to marrying a man who already has a wife but in time there is a danger that things will fall out of shape and she could fall into the trap set by satan. We are only human.

 

[Hard Rock Moslem]

The jealousy is only temporary. Women still have to accept polygamy once they are in heaven..

By the way, the intention of polygamy is to safeguard from satan, how is that polygamy going to be a trap of satan?

I was non Muslim, my community is strongly against polygamy but quietly most of our men are having mistress. Almost all my uncles (non Muslim) having mistresses. I don't know about you Tomtom, naturally, almost every men incline to have more wives, some are ready for it and most will not like me. Polygamy is an legal option and morally acceptable rather than having mistress. For women, at least you know where is your husband if he is not at home. But if he is having mistress, will you know where he is?

 

[Hard Rock Moslem]

admittedly there are more women than men in certain areas, especially among reverts,but in many muslim countries,there are large numbers of unmarried men ,right inot thier thirties and forties,,,so why should these not marry before asking others to take two wives,,,,,

That's why I mentioned case to case basis. Polygamy may be necessary in certain situation, yet is not obligatory but an option if it can solve problems. There are number of revert sisters here too, not married, some already in their old age. Pity them. This could have been solve if someone willing to commit into polygamy.. who dares?

 

[saifkhan]

as salam 'alaykum warahamtu-llahi wabarakatuhu


I want to say something, I don't know why, but everyone is shouting about polygamy polygamy.....

the truth is, this sunnah is no more in practice in the Muslim Ummah, otherwise there would not that much amount of righteous sisters now living our time who are not being married just because may be their age is a bit high or may be they are divorced and nobody wants to take them as wife, as first one it is impossible, may not even as a second or 3rd wife. we should look at the time of sahabas.

all is happening in the world in the name of polygamy, either the portray of media or some bad experiences (even in monogamous family it happens) we hear from here and there. of course there are righteous brothers and sister who are living happily, like we can not even imagine in monogamous families.

again, except one man, I've not met a single person in my whole life who has two wives at a time, I know men who married twice but after the death or divorce of the 1st wife. even, when i was in a middle eastern country, born and brought up there 16years, I didn't see any arab even, of course there were and there are, but the area i used to live and yeah there were some words going on in the air, that guy has two wife or that guy has three wives, something like that, so the bottom line can be the percentage is low or even there are more, how can you know?

the problem is with the media, anyhow they portray like everyone has got 4 wives and they do nothing. really i met people everywhere , who don't know about arabs, but they just make statements like: ah, the arabs, the petro money and 4 wives, and just they do not do anything.

and depending on media and such ignorant people comment, we tend to point finger to the whole men of Muslim Ummah and sometimes we don't even know but commenting over the order of Prophet Muhammad salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam and the most dangerous to have doubt over the orders of Allah subhanahu wa ta'la. and we have to be careful, really careful of our statements.

this is all i had to say and indeed Allah knows the best
may Allah forgive me if i hurt anyone or said anything wrong

wassalam 'alaikum

 

[MuslimShadow]

as salam 'alaykum warahamtu-llahi wabarakatuhu


I want to say something, I don't know why, but everyone is shouting about polygamy polygamy.....

the truth is, this sunnah is no more in practice in the Muslim Ummah, otherwise there would not that much amount of righteous sisters now living our time who are not being married just because may be their age is a bit high or may be they are divorced and nobody wants to take them as wife, as first one it is impossible, may not even as a second or 3rd wife. we should look at the time of sahabas.

all is happening in the world in the name of polygamy, either the portray of media or some bad experiences (even in monogamous family it happens) we hear from here and there. of course there are righteous brothers and sister who are living happily, like we can not even imagine in monogamous families.

again, except one man, I've not met a single person in my whole life who has two wives at a time, I know men who married twice but after the death or divorce of the 1st wife. even, when i was in a middle eastern country, born and brought up there 16years, I didn't see any arab even, of course there were and there are, but the area i used to live and yeah there were some words going on in the air, that guy has two wife or that guy has three wives, something like that, so the bottom line can be the percentage is low or even there are more, how can you know?

the problem is with the media, anyhow they portray like everyone has got 4 wives and they do nothing. really i met people everywhere , who don't know about arabs, but they just make statements like: ah, the arabs, the petro money and 4 wives, and just they do not do anything.

and depending on media and such ignorant people comment, we tend to point finger to the whole men of Muslim Ummah and sometimes we don't even know but commenting over the order of Prophet Muhammad salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam and the most dangerous to have doubt over the orders of Allah subhanahu wa ta'la. and we have to be careful, really careful of our statements.

this is all i had to say and indeed Allah knows the best
may Allah forgive me if i hurt anyone or said anything wrong

wassalam 'alaikum

agreed.........

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,


Why are we so confused about Sunna. We fall short on so much of the deen.
It is allowed. So we really have no opinion on it.

As to the other questions they are the subject of other topics.

 

[esperanza]

That's why I mentioned case to case basis. Polygamy may be necessary in certain situation, yet is not obligatory but an option if it can solve problems. There are number of revert sisters here too, not married, some already in their old age. Pity them. This could have been solve if someone willing to commit into polygamy.. who dares?

yes thats the point in certain social situations it may be necessary..or in countries with war, but to compare wiht men ,in the west who have mistresses is not a good reason

surely muslim men are different as they follow the guidelines of islam ,if the man has a good wife who is good to him ,why should he have another wife,,,just to satisfy his desires

if he has been married many years and has a number of children ,and now wants to marry just because resltess now he is older...than ithink its he who has the problem,,

im not saying polygamy is wrong ,so dont tell me im going against the sunnah,but as a reason just to satisfy mens desires, or just to say well at least they are not having mistresses,,,dont think thats valid




and you would be surprised there are more men than you think across the arab world wiht more than one wife