Would you marry a sister in purdah

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Abdul-Raheem

Signing Out.....
:salam2:

I would never marry a woman who did not wear or intend to wear a hijab. Simple as. There are always different circumstances therefore we should not be judgmental of people, even though in reality what they do may not be right. I'm not just talking about the hijab here but many other things.

wasalam
 

cofinest

New Member
Assalamu Caalakum Purdah Sister

I agree with u said. But its not all true someguys r looking for girl wearing veil to marry.:ma:
 

shaz_1999

Junior Member
No matter what we are like we all agree that it is so hard to find someone to marry and no way is it getting any easier and yes it is driving me mad
 

muhammad.abdullah

Junior Member
hmmm true, true

Asslam o alikum wr wbrkt

I agree, its really hard to find a good muslimah for marriage let alone a blot be on your forehead for belonging to a specific country where most people are dishonest. On one side, shaytan is driving me nuts, on the other hand the good and veiled muslimahs want to marry brothers of their own city or country only. May Allah save us....

wasalam
 

BintMuhammad

New Member
Staff member
Assalamu alaikum,

Relax guys. Don't get desperate and frustrated now LOL. Remember SABR. Patience is a virtue :D May Allaah swt reward you all with a good wife Insha Allaah ameen. (If not here on earth, then in the hereafter :D) Same goes with us women ameen.

No matter what we are like we all agree that it is so hard to find someone to marry and no way is it getting any easier and yes it is driving me mad
 

sky_012

Junior Member
that's so strange , because here every one says they want to marry a woman who puts the viel, and is modest, while in reality, all the girls i know and who wear hijab and dress modeslty without make up pr jeans, they don't find any husband, all the girls i know and who managed to marry are those who really looked beautifull and attractive even in their hijab, and who were quite fashionable even if they don't wear jeans etc..., i know so many girls in this case
 

Muhammad_A

Penguin fancier
That's because a lot of people probably think they're already married (which is the case with a lot of niqaabis round here).
 

muhammad.abdullah

Junior Member
Oh... And you try asking the father of some girl you've barely or never even met if you can ask her to marry you.

That will be like one of the most daunting tasks in this world. I guess if it were me, i would be sweating like a stupid even in subzero temps. sheesh...difficult...
 

virtualeye

Tamed Brother
That will be like one of the most daunting tasks in this world. I guess if it were me, i would be sweating like a stupid even in subzero temps. sheesh...difficult...


Please look out your words. You are calling all those pious people who bowed their heads at the decision of their parents and not only that but they remained happy with their wives all their lives. In Pakistan and India, there are not only few but hundreds of thousands successful arranged marraiges. Are those people stupid? and you are wise?

Ofcourse it is better to meet someone before marrying but you cant call those people stupid who are more humble and God fearing than you. It is simply the sick WESTERN life which makes people think like that.


Wassalam,
VE
 

BintMuhammad

New Member
Staff member
Assalamu alaikum,

I think he meant someone who never leaves the house. :SMILY149:


wa alaykum salam.

yea bro... i've heard lots of metaphors and I can usually get my head around most... but

WHAT?!



Hey I remember that stuff! we used it to make fossils with shells in plastic cups in like 1st or 2nd Grade!!

i thought it was the coolest thing ever then. :)

:wasalam:
 

Muhammad_A

Penguin fancier
Please look out your words. You are calling all those pious people who bowed their heads at the decision of their parents and not only that but they remained happy with their wives all their lives. In Pakistan and India, there are not only few but hundreds of thousands successful arranged marraiges. Are those people stupid? and you are wise?

Ofcourse it is better to meet someone before marrying but you cant call those people stupid who are more humble and God fearing than you. It is simply the sick WESTERN life which makes people think like that.


Wassalam,
VE
Here! Grab the wrong end of this stick!
 

revert_north

NEW MUSLIMA
Here! Grab the wrong end of this stick!


WARNING: Do not read Muhammad_A's post whilst drinking tea. As it will end up all over your monitor.

Brother virtualeye, :salam2:, the other brother was NOT calling anyone who seeks an arranged marriage 'stupid'. He said that it would be DIFFICULT for him to do it himself, as he would be nervous! And quite rightly so - this is a lifelong partner he'd be choosing! He said "I would be sweating like a stupid", NOT that anybody else was stupid. I hope you understand now brother, :wasalam:.
 

brother4ever

Junior Member
Oh... And you try asking the father of some girl you've barely or never even met if you can ask her to marry you.

:salam2:
Brother
Read these carefully & I hope ur mind will be changed.

MARRIAGE IN ISLAM.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. The prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy in Islam.

Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Islam does not equal celibacy with high "taqwa" / "Iman". The prophet has also said, "Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me".

Marriage acts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one does not become a slave to his/ her desires.

It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman.

Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations , it neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be so that we remain dignified and not become like animals.

The purpose of Marriage.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The word "zawj" is used in the Qur'an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.

* Marriage serves as a means to emotional and sexual gratification and as a means of tension reduction. It is also a form of Ibadah because it is obeying Allah and his messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the sexes to unite. One could choose to live in sin, however by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to Allah.

Marriage is "mithaq" - a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter which can be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. It is not like buying a new dress where you can exchange it if you don't like it. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one. For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met.

1) consent of both parties.

2) " Mahr" a gift from the groom to his bride.

3) Witnesses- 2 male or female.

4) The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.

Is Marriage obligatory?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

According to Imams Abu Hanifah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Malik ibn Anas, marriage is recommendatory, however in certain individuals it becomes wajib/obligatory. Imam Shaafi'i considers it to be nafl or mubah (preferable). The general opinion is that if a person, male or female fears that if he/she does not marry they will commit fornication, then marriage becomes "wajib". If a person has strong sexual urges then it becomes "wajib" for that person to marry. Marriage should not be put off or delayed especially if one has the means to do so.

A man, however should not marry if he or she does not possess the means to maintain a wife and future family, or if he has no sex drive or if dislikes children, or if he feels marriage will seriously affect his religious obligation.

The general principle is that prophet (pbuh) enjoined up in the followers to marry.

He said "when a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion , so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half." This hadith is narrated by Anas. Islam greatly encourages marriage because it shields one from and upholds the family unit which Islam places great importance.

Selection of a partner:

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety). The prophet recommended the suitors see each other before going through with marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be thrown together and be expected to relate and be intimate when they know nothing of each other. The couple are permitted to look at each other with a critical eye and not a lustful one. This ruling does not contradict the ayah which says that believing men and women should lower their gaze.

- The couple, however are not permitted to be alone in a closed room or go out together alone. As the hadith says "when a man and a woman are together alone, there is a third presence i.e. shaitan.

- There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practised in the west. There is no dating or living in defacto relationship or trying each other out before they commit to each other seriously. There is to be no physical relationship what so ever before marriage. The romantic notions that young people often have, have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the west to understand this point. e.g. the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not equal a everlasting bond between two people.

Fact: Romance and love die out very quickly when we have to deal in the real world. The unrealistic expectations that young people have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship.

- The west make fun of the Islamic way of marriage in particular arranged marriage, yet the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship.

This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner.

Love blinds people to potential problems in the relationship. There is an Arabic saying: which says "the mirror of love is blind, it makes zucchini into okra". Arranged marriages on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.

This is why they often prove successful.

Consent of parties.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

There is a halal arranged marriage and a haram one. It is OK to arrange marriages by suggestion and recommendation as long as both parties are agreeable. The other arranged marriage is when parents choose the future spouse and the couple concerned are forced or have no choice in the matter.

One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple.

Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people.

The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of the father or guardian under Maliki school. This is to safeguard her welfare and interests. The prophet said "the widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until she has consented and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained. The prophet did revoke the marriage of a girl who complained to him that her father had married her against her wishes.

The husband/wife relationship.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

-The wifes rights - the Husbands obligations.

(1) Maintenance

The husband is responsible for the wifes maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. It is inconsequen tial whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role as "qawam" (leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security and thus perform her role devotedly.

The wifes maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must lodge her where he resides himself according to his means. The wifes lodge must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.

If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The prophet is reported to have said: The best Muslim is one who is the best husband.

(2) "Mahr "

The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the brides parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved.

(3) Non-material rights.

A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses kindness to women.


The wife obligations - the Husbands rights.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage. She must be attentive to the comfort and wellbeing of her husband. The Qur'anic ayah which illustrates this point is:

"Our lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the apples of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous"

The wife must be faithful, trustworthy and honest she must not deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding contraception. She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband right i.e. sexual intimacy. She must not receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge and consent. She should not be alone with a strange male. She should not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. The husband possessions are her trust. She may not dispose of his belongings without his permission.

A wife should make herself sexually attractive to her husband and be responsive to his advances. The wife must not refuse her husband sexually as this can lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt the man to adultery. The husband of course should take into account the wifes health and general consideration should be given.

Obedience.

^^^^^^^^^

The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior. If a leader is not obeyed , his leadership will become invalid -Imagine a king or a teacher or a parent without the necessary authority which has been entrusted to them.

Obedience does not mean blind obedience. It is subject to conditions:

(a) It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within the permissible categories of action.

(b) It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under the husband rights.

ALLAH HAFIZ
 

brother4ever

Junior Member
Oh... And you try asking the father of some girl you've barely or never even met if you can ask her to marry you.


:salam2:

Brother
Read this one also carefully

Love vs. Arranged

Whenever we talk of Indian wedding we try to equate it with arrange marriages. In India the social structure is such that we associate Indian marriages mainly with arrange marriages. Most of us have the feelings that arrange marriage is the concept of Indian society. But history tells us that arranged marriages use to happen even in the Victorian age. The history of England tells us that most of the kings and queens had arranged marriages. In India arrange marriages originated when child marriages was customary in the country. Caste system gave birth to arrange marriages, as the upper caste families didn't want their children to marry outside their community and caste. The concept of love marriage was a taboo in ancient India as India always had a tradition of arranged marriages. But after World War II and industrial revolution people's perception started changing and they became familiar with the concept of love marriages. In India the influence of the British culture gave rise to love marriages. The idea, which was once a taboo, became more open and acceptable in the Indian society. But this change was seen only among the educated and high society Indians. The rural parts of the country remained ignorant and unaware of love marriages. In spite of the social changes arranged marriage persisted.

Love or arranged marriages is still a debatable topic in the Indian society. People still debate on the issue, which one is better. What should be the basis of the marriage love or social norms? We are still confused about these issues. Education and media played a vital role in changing the perception of the Indian mind. As people started thinking beyond the social customs and traditions of arranged marriages. They realized that they have the right to choose their life partner without any kind of social pressure. It is after all their life. They can decide without having to rely on parents, relatives and matchmakers. This change in the mental set up of the people gave birth to love marriages. Now in India people are open to love marriages. It is no more forbidden in the society. In our country we are having both love and arranged marriages. If we start comparing love and arranged marriages we will see that both has certain pros and cons. But the common factor in both the concept is physical attraction. When a man and a woman go out on their first date physical attraction is the deciding factor. Same in case of arranged marriage where the relation starts only after the girl or boy likes each other. But there are certain things, which are found in love marriages and not in arranged. Like spending time together and getting to know each other. Because when you have decided to spend the life together it is important you know the person. There should be metal compatibility and understanding among both of you. And this happens when you spend time together. On this people may argue that even after knowing each other for so long than why people get divorced after marriage. It is because when two people are in love they are at their best to impress each other. They behave, they talk and they wear what the other person likes. But it is after marriage that you get to know the real person. There are couples who are still discovering each other even after twenty years of their marriage. This is the actual beauty of a relationship where everyday you discover a new thing about your partner.

In case of arranged marriages the relation starts when the girl and the boy get to know each other in a couple of meeting before the final commitment. Before deciding anything the parents check the family background and financial stability. Which is also very important. As most of the people have an idea that those who go for arranged marriages are not in an advantageous position but it's not so you may get the right person for whom you have been waiting. Even in love marriages after many years of courtship people find their partner not suitable and they break up. So it is not about spending time together but successful marriage is all about understanding and respecting each other's feelings, love and concern. It is argued that love marriages offer more independence and freedom as compared to arranged marriages since both of them knows each other so the social pressure and family pressure is less. If you know somebody before marriage it allows partners to have better respect and understanding for each other's needs and desires. In love marriages expectations are more compared to arrange marriages, as they know each other and want their partner to act in the best possible manner.

Arranged marriages, offer more protection, security to the women. As the parents decides the family. Parents make use of maturity and wise decision while choosing suitable spouses for their children. The mature decision of parents sometimes helps to make the right choice. But it doesn't mean that arranged marriages are ideal marriages. Even in an arranged marriage there is a different sort of social pressure. Social evils like dowry, caste system, matching of horoscopes and community issues are taken at such extreme levels that people don't support arranged marriages. So whether it is love or arranged ultimately it is up to the individual to decide, which one to go for. Love or arranged both is based on empathy, responsibility, commitment, love and concern. So it's not just about initial love and attraction it needs a lot of dedication and effort to sustain a marriage. So there is nothing like an ideal marriage it's all about the way you perceive your marriage. After all you should be happy with your life partner irrespective of love or arranged marriage.

ALLAH HAFIZ
 
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